Tag Archives: marriage

Marriage Monday: Why You And Your Spouse Should Stick together.

03 Monday Feb 2020

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Do you realize the power you have when you and your spouse are on the same page? Not only do things change in your relationship, but there is an unbeatable power in the spiritual realm. When you stick together through the good and the bad the enemy loses ground.

The bible says that 1 can put 1000 to flight but 2 can put 10,000 to flight. How’s that for an increase in the odds?

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Recently I was struggling. I was fighting through my emotions (really how bad can 1 persons emotions be?) I was fighting with my desire to speak my mind in situations that I have no place speaking my mind. (Oh please Lord put a muzzle over this girls mouth…) I was fighting with my own attitude, worth, purpose… (Okay, let’s just be honest and admit that sometimes I just plain can’t get it all together… at…all)

My husband snuggled up next to me as we were going to sleep and he rubbed my arm and prayed. He did this without me asking. He did this because I was not doing this myself and he knew that I needed a reset. He knew that I needed a perspective shift and I needed a reminder that one bad day, one bad week… or even a few bad years do not mean that I have failed in this life. (sometimes I can be pretty dramatic)

I did not need a lecture. I just needed me some Jesus. (actually I needed A LOT of Jesus)

Image by Bessi from Pixabay

Immediately I felt a difference.

My husband could have gotten irritated with me, he could have just said “woman get a grip”. And there are times he may have just done that. But this time, he chose what I should have chosen from the beginning.

Maybe he’s learning. Maybe we both are.

Guys, the more we can be unified as friends, parents, and most importantly in the spiritual aspect of our relationship the less power the enemy has over our lives.

It’s important to remember that your spouse is on your team. You are on the same side. Choose to be. Fight to be. Do whatever it takes to be.

Find common ground with your spouse and use that to build on.

There is power in being in agreement. Power in the word of God as well as in our families.

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

The bible says that when we get married we become one flesh- so why is it that we fight so hard against each other? Listen, the enemy knows that if he can get you on opposing sides he can remove all the power you have over your life. (and no I’m not being dramatic here… this one’s legit)

So stand strong together. Be there for each other. Be there when there are tough choices, and be there when mistakes are made. Be there rooting each other on through all of it. The good and the bad.

Let’s start taking back some ground in our lives. Stick together- pray for and with each other and watch what happens in your relationship.

Why Winning Might Just be the Reason You Lose…

16 Monday Dec 2019

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I love winning. Who doesn’t?

In marriage we often take pride in winning arguments and being right.

My husband and I are both really good at this. Then we realized that always having to win regardless of each other, regardless of the consequences to our relationship, and regardless of what is best for our family may not be winning at all.

Image by Karolina Grabowska from Pixabay

It’s pride.

 And pride does no good ever. 

Let’s look at the characteristics of pride together:

* Pride is boastful (1 John 2:16)

* Foolish (Mark 7:21)

* Stubborn (Leviticus 26:19)

* Attacks (Psalm 56:2)

* Causes Strife (Proverbs 13:10)

* Lashes out (Proverbs 14:3)

So why in the world do we fight so hard to win if the consequences damage the very thing we should be fighting FOR?

Sometimes I forget that we are on the same team. I forget that our arguments shouldn’t damage us. When I look at this list I can check every single box. Been there, done that. I’ve even genuinely won a few good “heated” arguments but when I look back, I can’t figure out what my prize was.

Image by pasja1000 from Pixabay

A better relationship? Nope

A closer friendship? Nope

A stronger marriage? Nope

I could go on and on, but the truth is- nothing good comes from pride.

So let’s bring this back to reality for a minute. I’d be lying if I told you that I never get mad, that we never fight and that to this day I don’t care about winning. Oh, I do care and believe me so does he.

BUT- we have also realized a few things over the years. God has spoken to each of us about our hearts, about being humble and kind. About putting others first and taking a deep breath and stepping back and seeing the bigger picture.

Check out the characteristics of being humble and kind-

Image by Bessi from Pixabay

* You will be sustained (Psalm 147:6)

* Victorious (Psalm 149:4) (I liked that one….) sorry…not sorry.

* Exalted by God (Matthew 23:12)

* Have Favor (1 Peter 5:5)

Still feel like you won that argument? I know I don’t. Pride causes us to say and do things we shouldn’t. Having a humble heart causes us to look with eyes of love and not worry about winning or losing, but to be concerned with the greater good of the relationship in the long term.

Jesus became a man, was mistreated, beaten, and died on a terrible cross by people who were mocking him. Yet, the whole time the scriptures say that he was praying for God to forgive them. Not a great way to win a fight, but an awesome way to win a war.

Pride has the potential to destroy our marriages, while a humble heart has the potential to build something we may have never thought possible.  

Image by Fathromi Ramdlon from Pixabay

Maybe it’s not about right or wrong, maybe we don’t have to win. Just maybe we can disagree and work through our issues (and believe me we have quite a few…) without doing so much damage. I have started looking at what winning really means lately and for me, winning is still being married to this guy. (preferably happy) I’m not always great at backing down, seeing the other side of an argument, or being the better person, but I am a work in progress that wants to win more than the current battle that I am in.

I want to win the whole war.

Marriage Monday: Should I Respect My Partner Even If They Don’t Deserve It?

09 Monday Dec 2019

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Respect is earned, that’s for sure. So why should you ever be respectful of your partner if your partner is not respectful of you?

 I have to be honest here. I was the most disrespectful wife. The walls I had put up even before we married gave me the gift of a sharp tongue and a nasty disposition. I was owed something in this life and I let my husband know it. I didn’t trust easily and I wasn’t about to let my guard down.

Image by Luisella Planeta Leoni from Pixabay

 Did I deserve respect? I’m so embarrassed to admit this but the truth is I didn’t, not even a little. Thankfully, God had given Ryan the gift of forgiveness. He was able to look past my faults and love me anyway. He looked for things to appreciate about me and I’m sure if he were honest he would say that sometimes he had to search pretty hard.

Over time I softened and began to treat him with honor and respect as well.

We reap what we sow.

Ryan reaped respect because he had sown it for years. I reaped many ridiculously hard days because of my poor attitude. Today you choose which side you’re on. Your partner may not be worthy of respect either but you can still decide to give it.

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God says that respect is a must. The dictionary describes it as a deep feeling of admiration for someone’s abilities. It changes us to know that someone actually believes in us like that. It was Ryan’s ability to think so highly of me when I knew I didn’t deserve it, that caused me to want to live up to that belief.

Today choose to be respectful of your spouse. Choose to focus on the good in them and start right where you are. Sow today what you want to reap tomorrow and you will reap great rewards in your relationship.

  • Just a little disclaimer here too- we fully realize that some situations may not fit the parameters of this blog. Certainly we don’t condone abuse of any kind and are not claiming that any of you should respect abusers. In fact, we encourage anyone who may be in an unhealthy or abusive situation to seek professional help. Our situation was neither abusive or unhealthy, we were just stubborn people with bad attitudes that needed work on our issues.

Ephesians 5:33

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Prayer: Lord, show me how to better respect my spouse. Open my eyes to all of the great qualities that you have given them and help me to respect them for it. You say that respect is a must; I know there are many areas that I have fallen short in regards to respect. Please help me to do better beginning today. In Jesus name, Amen.

Marriage Monday – Why We Should Compliment Our Spouse!

02 Monday Dec 2019

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I remember a number of years ago, I had been asked to be in a wedding. My hair was done, I had put the bridesmaid dress on and Ryan walked into the room. He took one look at me and his eyes lit up and he said “Wow, you look amazing”.

I can’t tell you how great that moment made me feel.

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

My day to day routine doesn’t usually lend itself to him noticing me the way he did that day. My ripped up sweat pants, t-shirts, and pony tail certainly don’t match a really cute dress and a great hair stylist but I still think there are opportunities to show our spouse how much we like them.

Seriously LIKE them.

By finding opportunities to really build each other up, we also begin to build confidence in our spouse and our relationship. When you see your spouse doing something you appreciate, tell them. It seems that the longer couples are together the less they feel the need to express those little moments to each other.

But notice the scripture reference for this one. “How handsome you are, my beloved! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant.”

Image by Hans Braxmeier from Pixabay

A few good compliments and then a description of their bed being “verdant”. I couldn’t resist- so I looked up the meaning and found that it means- green, fresh, and flourishing. (and people say the bible is boring…)

Doesn’t sound too bad now does it? Listen, we all need to feel wanted, desired, and appreciated. We want to know that we matter and are not taken for granted. After we get married we get into a routine and routines often lead to complacency. It’s not intentional, sometimes it’s just survival. Today let’s start to build each other up and hopefully we can have that green, fresh, and flourishing relationship that deep down we all wish for.

Scripture reference:

Song of Songs 1:16 “How handsome you are, my beloved! Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant.

Prayer: Lord, thank you for giving me a spouse that is unique and wonderful. Help us both to see and appreciate all that they do and to remember not to take any of these things for granted. Let us look with new eyes today and always remember how important it is to express our appreciation for the many things that they do for us. Open our hearts to each other and renew our love to the point that it spills out into our words. In Jesus name, Amen.

Marriage Monday: The IF word.

11 Monday Nov 2019

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There have been times when I’ve doubted my relationship. I’ve doubted my husband, doubted myself, and doubted our ability to pick up the pieces and figure things out. I’ve wondered if I made a mistake. Would I have been better off if…

If what?

If I’d married someone else? If I’d made different choices?

Image by Bessi from Pixabay

I read somewhere once that the reason the grass is greener on the other side of the fence is because of the large amounts of “fertilizer” that’s been applied. I’m going to jump right out onto that grass and say that we have enough crap of our own to fertilize all the yards we can handle. I don’t need someone else’s.

IF is a word that needs to be eliminated from our marriage vocabulary. It’s a very dangerous word that has absolutely no merit in our current lives and situations. The only way this word should be used is to ask the simple question- What if we try this to work it out. That’s it.  

The minute our eyes wander, the minute we think that our soul mate is the other guy (or girl)- the one created straight out of the perfect Hallmark movie and we must have not realized it so they got away and we’ve been left with the “other guy”- that scenario is the moment we lose in our relationship. (and by the way I am not in any way against Hallmark sappy, happy ending, frequently binged watched by this girl, love stories.) I just need to remind myself that there is reality and then there is… well perfectly scripted endings.

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Reality is far from perfect.

My reality is a lot harder work than I originally thought it would be when I said “I do”. Back then I had no idea how many sleepless nights the kids would cause. I didn’t know that I would be tired, stressed, worried… I didn’t know that there would be times when money would be so tight that we would search the house for loose change just to buy a book from the kindergartners book order. I didn’t know these things would be my reality but there were also a lot of other things that I didn’t know.

I didn’t know that my husband would work so hard for us. I didn’t know that he would be the most solid man I’ve ever met. I didn’t know that we’d laugh so hard our stomachs would hurt, that we’d watch our kids grow up and skin their knees, and make us crazy. I didn’t know that we were dreamers and planners and would spend hours talking about the trips we wanted to take and the excitement over our future. I didn’t know that so many good things would be woven into those trials. I’m so glad for all that I didn’t know. I’m really thankful that I’ve gotten to grow and learn and change right alongside the man that I didn’t know would not give up on me. Not give up on us. I’m so glad for that stubborn guy. (most of the time)

Image by Pusteblume0815 from Pixabay

What don’t you know? What lists can you make that can change your focus? What words do you need to eliminate from your vocabulary? Trust me in this- get rid of them. Focus on the great things, look at what you do have and quit worrying about how pretty the yard next door is.

Believe me it may take more fertilizer than you are prepared to deal with to make it look that good.

Marriage Monday: It’s Time To FIGHT… Fair.

04 Monday Nov 2019

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My husband irritates me. A lot. It’s almost comical sometimes because we’ve been together so long that he can spin me up and make me so mad and then without whole lot of effort he can bring me right back to calm again. And I’m not bragging here- but I can do the same to him.

Image by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay

The reality of marriage is this- there are times when we are going to annoy each other. I love my husband and can list a million awesome qualities, but his snoring alone can send me clean over the edge and it’s just plain frustrating when he tells me that “oh I need to bring a dish to pass to a work event… did I forget to tell you?” Ummm yep, now back away slowly, very slowly…

Fighting in a relationship does not necessarily mean there is a problem with the relationship. Sometimes it’s just a part of the process. The problem comes in when couples don’t fight fair. They bring up laundry lists of past sins and suddenly the irritation of your partner not putting the toilet paper on the roll correctly moves into a personal attack on their character and things just spiral out of control. (there is a “right” way to put the toilet paper on the roll by the way… maybe a topic for another blog.)

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Can we take a step back please? There is a danger in allowing our disagreements to turn ugly. We need to learn to look for ways of getting our point across without hurting our spouse in the process. Easier said than done sometimes but keep in mind that there are bridges in life that once burned are hard to back pedal from. Name calling, listing every single crime your partner has committed, screaming, losing control, throwing macaroni and cheese at your spouse because they cared more about that than the argument- those are things that matter long term. (okay, maybe you can laugh about the mac and cheese later, but you still shouldn’t throw it, some of us learn the hard way).

Please remember that there are long term effects of a short temper and this life we are building together is worth keeping our cool. So, take a deep breath today, be angry- but sin not. Your relationship will thank you later.

Scripture Reference:

Mark 3:25 If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

Ephesians 4:26-27 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Prayer: Lord, please help us today to handle our conflicts with grace and peace. Help us to learn how to disagree with our spouse without it becoming a personal attack against one another. Let us realize that disagreements are normal, but that they too need to be handled with care and concern for the other person even when it hurts. Lord, help us fight fair today so that we can continue on a better path for this relationship. In Jesus name, Amen

Marriage Monday- The Peace That Comes With Accountability

28 Monday Oct 2019

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Do you call your spouse when you are going to be late? Does your spouse have the passwords for your email, social media, or cell phone? Why should they?

Image by Jeff Klugiewicz from Pixabay

Honestly-why shouldn’t they?

Unless you have something to hide, there should be no reason to not allow your spouse access to any of these items and more. Talk about causing us to think twice before we send a text to someone that might be outside the realm of what we would want our spouse to read. Phew…

Accountability is incredibly important in a marriage. Knowing we can count on our spouse in both word and deed is huge. On the other hand, hiding things from our spouse allows questions and insecurities to seep into the folds of our relationship. It’s not an issue of personal space; it’s an issue of honesty and trust.

If I get a text message and my husband is right there- he checks it. I do the same for him. Our phones, computers, and lives are just out there for the other to see. Because of that my husband doesn’t question me when something comes up. Accountability and Trust go hand in hand and there is no one’s trust that matters more to me than his. If I go shopping and I overspend, I show him the receipt. Why hide it? Listen, I’d rather have a solid foundation for our relationship to springboard off of than a receipt I hid in the trash and now have to worry about “getting caught”.

Image by congerdesign from Pixabay

We hear people complain every day that “my wife / husband” should just trust me and I shouldn’t have to show them anything.  Let us put it to you this way, if our kids get quiet, if they start being secretive, we start looking. When their bedroom door is wide open, we don’t tend to stop what we are doing to check the situation out do we? By keeping our relationship wide open, the same is true. I don’t get on my husband’s phone and look through it, I could, but why bother? He leaves it right there for me to see and when I am on it – you get the idea.

Listen, we are the least perfect people in this world, but I really believe that this is one thing we do right. So many people today are stuck on fair vs unfair… Why should I… how dare they not trust me?… the list goes on and on. Our pride is our biggest downfall and some have lost marriages over it. Enough is enough, build trust, build accountability and build a marriage that lasts. If you have something to hide, your relationship will suffer. Stop hiding, start rebuilding trust and watch your relationship flourish as a result.

Scripture Reference:

1 Corinthians 13:6- Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

Proverbs 20:7- The righteous lead blameless lives; blessed are their children after them.

Prayer:

Lord, help us to be accountable to our spouse. Let us become more aware of the importance of allowing ourselves to be transparent in our behavior both in public and private situations. Help us to show our spouse that they are truly the most important person in our lives. In Jesus name, Amen

Marriage Monday: Start Studying Your Partner!

21 Monday Oct 2019

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How would you feel if your spouse got up today and without saying a word began to do all those little tasks that you’ve wanted done for so long? I get warm fuzzies just thinking about it. The problem is- we are always waiting for the other guy to do these things. It’s an “I’ll do for them once they start doing for me” mentality and that just doesn’t work.

Photo Via Pixabay

It isn’t a coincidence that one of the most powerful ways we can show our love for our spouse is by putting their needs ahead of our own. Instead of watching that TV show, we get them their coffee. Instead of that hot bath we desperately need, we help our spouse with a chore they wanted to get done. Watch what happens in our relationships as we begin looking for ways to care for our partner.

I remember when my husband and I were dating, I used to pay attention to everything. I could tell you all of Ryan’s favorite things. I may have even been a bit over the top about it all. Ahhhh, young love… Today, I’m not sure I could tell you what he is wearing.

Sometimes we just have to begin at the beginning. So start studying your partner again. Make note of the little things that we normally overlook- did they wish for that special item at the store? Stop and pick it up for them. Make them their favorite meal or dessert. Pick up your dirty socks that you leave by the side of your bed every single day… (nobody here does that- but if you do) Do those things that you know would really please your spouse. If you commit to making this a habit in your marriage, you will find that BOTH of you will reap great rewards in your relationship.

Photo Via Pixabay

Recently I went out of my way to grab a coffee for Ryan. Nothing expensive, just his usual iced coffee with a little caramel. I drove to where he was and asked him to run out to my car. When he rounded the corner I held up the coffee and blew him a kiss. He looked at me in the midst of his crazy day and said “man I freaking love you”. And ya know what? I freaking love him too. I really didn’t have time to grab him that coffee but I am so glad I did. Sometimes the little things really do make the biggest difference. And guys, don’t wait on your partner to start. You be the one today that makes the difference. Buy the coffee, pick up the socks, leave the note, do the thing… and don’t stop. Little changes today can reap great rewards tomorrow.

Scripture Reference:

Galations 5:13- You my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather serve one another humbly in love.

Philippians 2:4– not looking to your own interests but each of you tothe interests of the others.

Prayer:

Lord, you are the greatest servant of all time. Thank you for showing us how important it is to serve and care for our spouse. Help us to better notice those things that will please our partner and to act in those areas. Show us how to set aside our own desires to meet our partner’s needs. Help us to see the benefit of studying our partner and learning what it means to treat them the way that you would. Thank you Jesus for being an amazing example to us, help us to strive today to be that same great example to our children and family as well. In Jesus name, Amen.

Marriage Monday- It’s Time to Start Dating Again!

14 Monday Oct 2019

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When we got married, my husband would still ask me on dates. I thought it was silly. Why should I date him when I’m married to him? 

Then one day I realized something. We have to be intentional with our marriages and dating couples should not be having more fun than us old married folk. Seriously! 

Photo Via Pixabay

The thing is – dating couples ARE intentional. When you were dating you went to dinner, the movies, on picnics, or to a local coffee shop. The point is, you found ways to have fun together. Once married we stop doing this. I mean why do I need to put my effort into planning time away with my partner when I live with them?  Planning goes out the window and life settles in.

What I found out was that daily life has a way of causing us to forget all the great things we love about each other. My husband is the most hilarious person I have ever met, but when I am cleaning the toilet, I am not thinking about his humor, I’m thinking about how much I wish ALL the men in my house would more carefully aim.

Photo Via Pixabay

And we are both huge talkers. We can talk for hours, laugh for days, and really cover a million topics in a matter of minutes. The thing is, we don’t do that as often as we used to because there are lunches to pack and bills to pay. We come home and we begin running around the house “trying to get things done” just so we can be ready for the next crazy day.

When we were dating, we talked on the phone for hours, we found any excuse to be together, went out of our way to please each other and gave up other things just to have some fun together.

Who has time for that these days?

It’s time we make time and here’s how we do that in the midst of the busy life we have today.

Twice a month my husband and I have a “date night” that works both as a time to reconnect as well as a time to cross some household items off the list. Dinner is a must for our date night, then we leave the rest open a bit. Usually we end up at the grocery store to grab what we need for the week ahead. I know, us crazy kids… The thing is we look so forward to this night because we try different restaurants and we take our time with dinner. This is an opportunity to reconnect, regroup, and release any of the stress of the last couple weeks. Some nights we do go to the movies, or out for ice cream, but the point is, this is a time for us to be us again. (and the grocery store is just a side note for us- we are in town, don’t want to go back to town, so we quickly get what we need- for us it’s a win win.)

Photo Via Pixabay

At least once a year we go away for a couple days, just the two of us. We love our trips to the wineries, we love heading to the city for a show, we love finding a nice place to stay and sleeping in and letting someone else clean the toilet for a change.

You married your spouse for a reason. Stay married for a reason. Remember the things you used to do that kept you excited to be together and start doing them again. And if money is tight, then find ways to be together that won’t cost a lot. When my husband and I started planning these dates, we literally kept an envelope of money that we would put a few extra dollars in anytime we could and when it added up to be enough to head out- we did. When there was no extra money, we took a long walk, found some free event happening near us or just had the grandparents watch the kids so we could sit on the back porch with a good cup of coffee and just be together for a bit. The point is we made time for each other.

Photo Via Pixabay

This week- We challenge you to be creative and ask your spouse on a date. Make it fun, make it something you both like to do, bring back an old memory that you shared. But no matter what you choose, let this be a night where you commit to just having a good time. Problems can be dealt with later and chores will still be there. For one night, just be you again.

 Laugh, eat, hold hands, and talk. It’s amazing how one night of fun can wash away days of stress and anxiety. Start dating again- it’s a great thing.

Scripture Reference:

Proverbs 17:22– A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Prayer:

Lord, today let us learn to have fun again. Remind us to have a cheerful heart and to remember to be just as intentional today with our relationships as we were in the beginning. Help us to see the importance of enjoying our time together and making fun a priority. In Jesus name, Amen.

Marriage Monday- 2 Simple Keys of Communication

07 Monday Oct 2019

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1. We have to watch our words.

Our words have power. They build up or they tear down. How we talk to and about our spouse will literally change the course of our relationship. Do we feel like speaking negatively at times? Sure, but that does not ever mean that we should.

Listen, the truth is- what comes out of our mouth is still a choice regardless of what the other person does or says. By changing what we say, we also change what we concentrate on. As we speak positively about our spouse to others, we start to appreciate the positive aspects of our spouse even more. By speaking kind words to each other we will find that our relationships will begin to improve as well.

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The reality is, even apart from marriage it’s just a truth that if you improve your words in a situation it always equals an improved attitude, which always moves us in a positive direction. So if this concept works outside of marriage, why wouldn’t it work inside our marriage as well?

2. We have to learn to listen

My husband and I are really great with words. We both have big opinions and ideas, and we like sharing them with each other. (good and bad) But to be honest, we struggle with listening to each other and since we both know that we are right, it’s hard to sit back and listen. I mean why waste the time listening when we can get right to “my” point and be done.

Anyone else struggle here?

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The thing is, most people need to be heard to feel cared about. If I don’t give my partner the chance to voice their own hopes, joys, ideas, concerns, irritations, and issues then I’ve ultimately told them that they don’t matter and I don’t care.

Harsh? Maybe, but full of truth too.

It’s time we sat down and allowed our spouse to talk, and I mean- really talk. It’s time to listen even when we don’t want to and especially when we don’t like what we are hearing. It’s just plain time. We need to let our spouses know that what they think matters and that even if we don’t agree with them, we still love them enough to hear them out.

Scripture Reference:

Ephesians 4:29- Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

James 1:19 – My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…

Prayer:

Dear Lord, We realize that our words have power. We ask your forgiveness for using words over our spouse that may have hurt them. Today we recommit to use our words to build our spouse up not only in our home but to those outside our home as well. We ask that you convict us of any unhealthy words that we are speaking and help us to do a better job of encouraging and loving our spouse with our words. We also ask you to help us listen to each other in a way that allows us to show love and respect to our spouse.

Thank you Jesus, Amen.