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How Many Times Do I Have To Fight The Same Battle?

20 Monday Jan 2020

Posted by Nicole Schrader in Personal Growth, Uncategorized

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

battle, change, faith, fight, health, healthy, hope, Jesus, Personal Growth, win

“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” (Margaret Thatcher)  Isn’t that the truth? How many times have I decided that I was going to conquer the mountain before me only to be beat down by the first peak?

Image by pasja1000 from Pixabay

This is my year for… 

I’m going to take that big leap into…

To be honest I think my internal GPS is on a permanent script of “recalculating”.

As I was sitting here today thinking about it all I realized that I have never accomplished any goal the way I thought I would.

Ever.

I have taken backroads, off ramps, and shortcuts that always seemed to lead me the long way around.

Image by Gerhard Gellinger from Pixabay

I have taken the successes and failures of others to heart and compared my own life to theirs.

Through it all I have learned a few things and they’ve stuck with me:

  1. No battle worth fighting is easy and in my experience once it is won (whatever the battle may be- health and nutrition, weight loss, addiction…)
  2. We have to continue the fight to keep it in the winners bracket.

The minute I let my guard down is the minute I begin to slip back into my old ways. Now I don’t mean that the battle is always difficult, but it is always before me. Things I have thought I conquered years ago suddenly rear their ugly heads and I find myself having to make a conscious effort to put them back in their place.  

I used to think that I was a failure because of those times. Now I realize that it’s just part of the process.

Image by klimkin from Pixabay

Do you want to win for good?

Then quit beating yourself up when you have to fight a battle over and over. It’s the battle that makes us strong, it gives us the ability to persevere, and ultimately be changed.

I love gold, but until you heat it up it contains all kinds of impurities. It’s the heat that allows those impurities to be removed and the beauty of the gold can then shine through.

You and I- we are like gold being refined. The fire that we hate, the battle that is long and tiresome- all of it is bringing us to a place where we can look back and see the beauty in it all.

The beauty in ourselves.

The kind of beauty that is so much deeper than what the mirror portrays.

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

We may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.

True.

We may have to fight for months or years, but in the end I’ve never regretted the fight. I’ve always been glad I took on the challenge. Win or lose each and every battle has brought something out of me that I didn’t know existed. I’ve learned, I’ve grown, I’ve lost and I’ve won, and looking back I’m glad for all of it.

I’m not excited for the battle today (are we ever really?) but I am ready to fight. There is so much more to be accomplished than just a single goal and I am surrendering the battle before me to God. With him all things are possible and I know that I don’t have to fight alone. It’s a win win. I make progress and he changes me.  So, here I am welcoming so many battles I really don’t want to fight and I’m completely confident that it will be worth it.

Image by James Wheeler from Pixabay

How about joining me today?  Pick your battle, lace up your gloves and let’s fight together. Gold takes time to be perfectly refined and so do you and I and ya know what?  Both are beautifully worth it.

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Why Winning Might Just be the Reason You Lose…

16 Monday Dec 2019

Posted by Nicole Schrader in marriage

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Dating, faith, fight, hope, marriage, married, pride, wedding, winning

I love winning. Who doesn’t?

In marriage we often take pride in winning arguments and being right.

My husband and I are both really good at this. Then we realized that always having to win regardless of each other, regardless of the consequences to our relationship, and regardless of what is best for our family may not be winning at all.

Image by Karolina Grabowska from Pixabay

It’s pride.

 And pride does no good ever. 

Let’s look at the characteristics of pride together:

* Pride is boastful (1 John 2:16)

* Foolish (Mark 7:21)

* Stubborn (Leviticus 26:19)

* Attacks (Psalm 56:2)

* Causes Strife (Proverbs 13:10)

* Lashes out (Proverbs 14:3)

So why in the world do we fight so hard to win if the consequences damage the very thing we should be fighting FOR?

Sometimes I forget that we are on the same team. I forget that our arguments shouldn’t damage us. When I look at this list I can check every single box. Been there, done that. I’ve even genuinely won a few good “heated” arguments but when I look back, I can’t figure out what my prize was.

Image by pasja1000 from Pixabay

A better relationship? Nope

A closer friendship? Nope

A stronger marriage? Nope

I could go on and on, but the truth is- nothing good comes from pride.

So let’s bring this back to reality for a minute. I’d be lying if I told you that I never get mad, that we never fight and that to this day I don’t care about winning. Oh, I do care and believe me so does he.

BUT- we have also realized a few things over the years. God has spoken to each of us about our hearts, about being humble and kind. About putting others first and taking a deep breath and stepping back and seeing the bigger picture.

Check out the characteristics of being humble and kind-

Image by Bessi from Pixabay

* You will be sustained (Psalm 147:6)

* Victorious (Psalm 149:4) (I liked that one….) sorry…not sorry.

* Exalted by God (Matthew 23:12)

* Have Favor (1 Peter 5:5)

Still feel like you won that argument? I know I don’t. Pride causes us to say and do things we shouldn’t. Having a humble heart causes us to look with eyes of love and not worry about winning or losing, but to be concerned with the greater good of the relationship in the long term.

Jesus became a man, was mistreated, beaten, and died on a terrible cross by people who were mocking him. Yet, the whole time the scriptures say that he was praying for God to forgive them. Not a great way to win a fight, but an awesome way to win a war.

Pride has the potential to destroy our marriages, while a humble heart has the potential to build something we may have never thought possible.  

Image by Fathromi Ramdlon from Pixabay

Maybe it’s not about right or wrong, maybe we don’t have to win. Just maybe we can disagree and work through our issues (and believe me we have quite a few…) without doing so much damage. I have started looking at what winning really means lately and for me, winning is still being married to this guy. (preferably happy) I’m not always great at backing down, seeing the other side of an argument, or being the better person, but I am a work in progress that wants to win more than the current battle that I am in.

I want to win the whole war.

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Marriage Monday: It’s Time To FIGHT… Fair.

04 Monday Nov 2019

Posted by Nicole Schrader in marriage

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

couples, fight, fighting fair, hope, Jesus, love, marriage, married, relationships, working it out

My husband irritates me. A lot. It’s almost comical sometimes because we’ve been together so long that he can spin me up and make me so mad and then without whole lot of effort he can bring me right back to calm again. And I’m not bragging here- but I can do the same to him.

Image by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay

The reality of marriage is this- there are times when we are going to annoy each other. I love my husband and can list a million awesome qualities, but his snoring alone can send me clean over the edge and it’s just plain frustrating when he tells me that “oh I need to bring a dish to pass to a work event… did I forget to tell you?” Ummm yep, now back away slowly, very slowly…

Fighting in a relationship does not necessarily mean there is a problem with the relationship. Sometimes it’s just a part of the process. The problem comes in when couples don’t fight fair. They bring up laundry lists of past sins and suddenly the irritation of your partner not putting the toilet paper on the roll correctly moves into a personal attack on their character and things just spiral out of control. (there is a “right” way to put the toilet paper on the roll by the way… maybe a topic for another blog.)

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Can we take a step back please? There is a danger in allowing our disagreements to turn ugly. We need to learn to look for ways of getting our point across without hurting our spouse in the process. Easier said than done sometimes but keep in mind that there are bridges in life that once burned are hard to back pedal from. Name calling, listing every single crime your partner has committed, screaming, losing control, throwing macaroni and cheese at your spouse because they cared more about that than the argument- those are things that matter long term. (okay, maybe you can laugh about the mac and cheese later, but you still shouldn’t throw it, some of us learn the hard way).

Please remember that there are long term effects of a short temper and this life we are building together is worth keeping our cool. So, take a deep breath today, be angry- but sin not. Your relationship will thank you later.

Scripture Reference:

Mark 3:25 If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

Ephesians 4:26-27 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Prayer: Lord, please help us today to handle our conflicts with grace and peace. Help us to learn how to disagree with our spouse without it becoming a personal attack against one another. Let us realize that disagreements are normal, but that they too need to be handled with care and concern for the other person even when it hurts. Lord, help us fight fair today so that we can continue on a better path for this relationship. In Jesus name, Amen

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Wife. Mom of three. Passionate lover of Jesus. Teacher. Writer. Speaker. Encourager. Believer in Hope.
I want to leave a legacy. I fail, I disappoint, but I hang on for dear life. My goal is to never, ever, not even for a second, give up. I hope this blog will inspire you to do the same.

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