couples, fight, fighting fair, hope, Jesus, love, marriage, married, relationships, working it out
My husband irritates me. A lot. It’s almost comical sometimes because we’ve been together so long that he can spin me up and make me so mad and then without whole lot of effort he can bring me right back to calm again. And I’m not bragging here- but I can do the same to him.
The reality of marriage is this- there are times when we are going to annoy each other. I love my husband and can list a million awesome qualities, but his snoring alone can send me clean over the edge and it’s just plain frustrating when he tells me that “oh I need to bring a dish to pass to a work event… did I forget to tell you?” Ummm yep, now back away slowly, very slowly…
Fighting in a relationship does not necessarily mean there is a problem with the relationship. Sometimes it’s just a part of the process. The problem comes in when couples don’t fight fair. They bring up laundry lists of past sins and suddenly the irritation of your partner not putting the toilet paper on the roll correctly moves into a personal attack on their character and things just spiral out of control. (there is a “right” way to put the toilet paper on the roll by the way… maybe a topic for another blog.)
Can we take a step back please? There is a danger in allowing our disagreements to turn ugly. We need to learn to look for ways of getting our point across without hurting our spouse in the process. Easier said than done sometimes but keep in mind that there are bridges in life that once burned are hard to back pedal from. Name calling, listing every single crime your partner has committed, screaming, losing control, throwing macaroni and cheese at your spouse because they cared more about that than the argument- those are things that matter long term. (okay, maybe you can laugh about the mac and cheese later, but you still shouldn’t throw it, some of us learn the hard way).
Please remember that there are long term effects of a short temper and this life we are building together is worth keeping our cool. So, take a deep breath today, be angry- but sin not. Your relationship will thank you later.
Mark 3:25 If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.
Ephesians 4:26-27 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Prayer: Lord, please help us today to handle our conflicts with grace and peace. Help us to learn how to disagree with our spouse without it becoming a personal attack against one another. Let us realize that disagreements are normal, but that they too need to be handled with care and concern for the other person even when it hurts. Lord, help us fight fair today so that we can continue on a better path for this relationship. In Jesus name, Amen