Tag Archives: love

Marriage Monday: It’s Time To FIGHT… Fair.

04 Monday Nov 2019

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My husband irritates me. A lot. It’s almost comical sometimes because we’ve been together so long that he can spin me up and make me so mad and then without whole lot of effort he can bring me right back to calm again. And I’m not bragging here- but I can do the same to him.

Image by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay

The reality of marriage is this- there are times when we are going to annoy each other. I love my husband and can list a million awesome qualities, but his snoring alone can send me clean over the edge and it’s just plain frustrating when he tells me that “oh I need to bring a dish to pass to a work event… did I forget to tell you?” Ummm yep, now back away slowly, very slowly…

Fighting in a relationship does not necessarily mean there is a problem with the relationship. Sometimes it’s just a part of the process. The problem comes in when couples don’t fight fair. They bring up laundry lists of past sins and suddenly the irritation of your partner not putting the toilet paper on the roll correctly moves into a personal attack on their character and things just spiral out of control. (there is a “right” way to put the toilet paper on the roll by the way… maybe a topic for another blog.)

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Can we take a step back please? There is a danger in allowing our disagreements to turn ugly. We need to learn to look for ways of getting our point across without hurting our spouse in the process. Easier said than done sometimes but keep in mind that there are bridges in life that once burned are hard to back pedal from. Name calling, listing every single crime your partner has committed, screaming, losing control, throwing macaroni and cheese at your spouse because they cared more about that than the argument- those are things that matter long term. (okay, maybe you can laugh about the mac and cheese later, but you still shouldn’t throw it, some of us learn the hard way).

Please remember that there are long term effects of a short temper and this life we are building together is worth keeping our cool. So, take a deep breath today, be angry- but sin not. Your relationship will thank you later.

Scripture Reference:

Mark 3:25 If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

Ephesians 4:26-27 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Prayer: Lord, please help us today to handle our conflicts with grace and peace. Help us to learn how to disagree with our spouse without it becoming a personal attack against one another. Let us realize that disagreements are normal, but that they too need to be handled with care and concern for the other person even when it hurts. Lord, help us fight fair today so that we can continue on a better path for this relationship. In Jesus name, Amen

Marriage Monday: Start Studying Your Partner!

21 Monday Oct 2019

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How would you feel if your spouse got up today and without saying a word began to do all those little tasks that you’ve wanted done for so long? I get warm fuzzies just thinking about it. The problem is- we are always waiting for the other guy to do these things. It’s an “I’ll do for them once they start doing for me” mentality and that just doesn’t work.

Photo Via Pixabay

It isn’t a coincidence that one of the most powerful ways we can show our love for our spouse is by putting their needs ahead of our own. Instead of watching that TV show, we get them their coffee. Instead of that hot bath we desperately need, we help our spouse with a chore they wanted to get done. Watch what happens in our relationships as we begin looking for ways to care for our partner.

I remember when my husband and I were dating, I used to pay attention to everything. I could tell you all of Ryan’s favorite things. I may have even been a bit over the top about it all. Ahhhh, young love… Today, I’m not sure I could tell you what he is wearing.

Sometimes we just have to begin at the beginning. So start studying your partner again. Make note of the little things that we normally overlook- did they wish for that special item at the store? Stop and pick it up for them. Make them their favorite meal or dessert. Pick up your dirty socks that you leave by the side of your bed every single day… (nobody here does that- but if you do) Do those things that you know would really please your spouse. If you commit to making this a habit in your marriage, you will find that BOTH of you will reap great rewards in your relationship.

Photo Via Pixabay

Recently I went out of my way to grab a coffee for Ryan. Nothing expensive, just his usual iced coffee with a little caramel. I drove to where he was and asked him to run out to my car. When he rounded the corner I held up the coffee and blew him a kiss. He looked at me in the midst of his crazy day and said “man I freaking love you”. And ya know what? I freaking love him too. I really didn’t have time to grab him that coffee but I am so glad I did. Sometimes the little things really do make the biggest difference. And guys, don’t wait on your partner to start. You be the one today that makes the difference. Buy the coffee, pick up the socks, leave the note, do the thing… and don’t stop. Little changes today can reap great rewards tomorrow.

Scripture Reference:

Galations 5:13- You my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather serve one another humbly in love.

Philippians 2:4– not looking to your own interests but each of you tothe interests of the others.

Prayer:

Lord, you are the greatest servant of all time. Thank you for showing us how important it is to serve and care for our spouse. Help us to better notice those things that will please our partner and to act in those areas. Show us how to set aside our own desires to meet our partner’s needs. Help us to see the benefit of studying our partner and learning what it means to treat them the way that you would. Thank you Jesus for being an amazing example to us, help us to strive today to be that same great example to our children and family as well. In Jesus name, Amen.

I’ve got the BEST news!!!

10 Thursday Oct 2019

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Guys, I’m soooooo excited!  I have the best news, seriously, just doesn’t get much better than this!  I admit, this writing isn’t like the rest, this one is pretty personal, but to be completely honest- it’s the reason we write.

Our Crazy Family

Our family, it’s what keeps us going, it’s what inspires us, drives us crazy, and makes us laugh. It’s why we have the material to write this blog and believe me, they provide an awesome amount of material.

Okay, so on to the amazing news- our family is GROWING! Woo Hoo!!!!  We are going to be GRANDPARENTS AGAIN! (I bet you can’t tell how excited we are can you?)

Our new little pumpkin

Our first little grand-baby has brought us such joy. His giggle, determination, and playful spirit lights up the room. I even love his little miserable frown when he has decided that he doesn’t like what you are saying. “No” brings it on quite quickly… (and often) (He is his father’s son)

Love this little drooly face!

So now we wonder, what will this new baby bring into our lives? Will it be another sweet boy that keeps us on our toes or a precious bundle of pink that is full of cuddles? As you can probably already guess- we really don’t care, but it’s so fun to think about!

I’ll let you know when we know and until then we just wanted to share our joy and excitement with you all!

Marriage Monday- Week 1 The Foundation

30 Monday Sep 2019

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Thought for this week:

Let’s start our marriage journey today by reconnecting and reestablishing the foundation of our marriages.

You see, Marriage is meant to be a blessing from God. As we begin to reconnect in our marriage, it is also important to put our marriage back into God’s hands. By recommitting to God, we have given our marriage new life and new hope. Remember, apart from God we can do nothing, but with God all things are possible. If you have a great marriage today, that’s awesome, let’s make it even better, and if your marriage is struggling, that’s ok too; these weeks are designed to give you the tools you need to have the marriage you always wanted.

Photo Via Pixabay

How can we reconnect with God in our marriage?

Although we will be digging deeper into many of the topics we are about to mention- it’s important to start somewhere. Whether you are doing these weeks together (which is always best) or apart (gotta do what you gotta do)-

1. Start with prayer. Pray for God to become the center of your relationship again. Then pray for your spouse. Pray for healing in those places that have been damaged by life, by mistakes, misunderstandings, and challenges. Pray together and for each other.

2. Start doing a short devotion together. Maybe pick a book of the bible and read a verse or two in the evening and discuss it.  There are also some great apps out there that can do the hard work for you. In fact, this summer my husband and I used the “You Version Bible App”. Through this app there are short devotionals that are only a few days long up to many weeks. The topics they have for marriage are really awesome. At the end of each days devotion there is a question for you to answer that you both can see. For us it was awesome to be able to continue our devotional time together even while one of us was on the road somewhere. These devotions didn’t take a ton of time and really caused us to think about parts of our relationship we may have neglected (and that was a good thing!).

3. Finally and simply- just begin. This isn’t about being perfect, if you don’t pray or do a devotion every single day- it’s ok. The point is to begin somewhere. There are no “rules” to follow, only suggestions to get us back on the roadmap that God created for us.

Scripture reference:

Genesis 2:18 (NIV) The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

Genesis 2:23-24 (NIV) The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

Prayer:

Lord, we release our marriage to you today. We ask that you become the center of our marriage, our family and our lives. We commit today to allow you to change us, teach us, and mold us into the people you have called us to be and to allow you to work in this marriage to improve it. We know that you created marriage; and it was you who gave each of us our needs and desires within our marriage relationships to bring us balance. We are no longer going to look at our spouses differences as a negative, but as a complement to our own unique personalities. We thank you for this fresh start in our marriage Lord and we look forward to the days ahead with you as the center of it. In Jesus name, Amen.

Is Love Lost?

13 Saturday Oct 2018

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How sad it is when the world has lost it’s ability to love.heart-1463424_640

Looking at social media these days, I think we can all agree that people are far from loving.  (Understatement of the century.)   There are so many opinions out there these days that are less opinions and more targeted attacks on anyone that may see things differently. I find this incredibly sad. It used to be that we could have a point of view that differs from someone else and still treat each other with respect and love.

Not today.

Today if my opinion differs from yours then there must be something wrong with me.

Listen, I fully realize that many of us have strong feelings about various topics and I personally think that’s awesome. The world would be an incredibly boring place if we all thought and felt the same things.

I love the diversity.

I hate the nastiness.

stones-3364324_640When my opinion or belief suddenly allows me permission to physically or emotionally abuse another person, then we have a problem that far surpasses the topic at hand. This week alone I have read numerous articles from some incredibly gifted and scholarly people who openly give allowances to uncalled-for behavior simply because others don’t agree with them.

Honestly, I don’t think it matters what side you are on. I think it matters more, who you are on the inside. Who are you when no one is looking? Who are you when everyone is looking? What matters more is the person that you are when you are faced with opposing views. Who are you then?

Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying you have to bend to someone else’s opinion. I’m certainly not going to. I’m going to stand on my own beliefs and views even if you don’t agree with them. What I’m not going to do is call you names, start cruel and unkind dialogue on social media, and beat you down for being of a different mind than me.

desktop-3303831_640Believe it or not, we can totally disagree about anything and everything, and I can still get the door for you, I can still have a cup of coffee with you, and I can still be kind to you.  In fact, I may not get my way in certain situations, we can have a heated discussion that is open and honest and fueled by our own differing viewpoints and I can still show you respect and love. You see, your opinions, beliefs, and actions should never be an excuse for me to be cruel.

So many people are fighting for change in society but true change starts in the hearts of the individual. What kind of change do we really want?  Acceptance?  We will never have any kind of acceptance through browbeating and harsh judgement. We will never have a society that works well together if we are constantly passing blame on the other side.

Listen, I know that no one wants to back down, but my question is this; Who said you have to?

Forgive me for repeating myself here- but like I said before, I’m not going to. And that does not, in any situation, give you permission to be cruel to me or my family. It does however give you complete permission to disagree, discuss, and move forward.

I’m beyond exhausted with our ability to lie, cheat, and steal to get what we want and to openly try and persuade others that this is okay because I believe my side to be so completely right that I should get my way anyway that I can.

If I am so right, I don’t need to do those things.

Period.

germ-1525665_640Today, I’m asking that before you speak, you check your heart. You ask yourself the same questions we tell kids to ask themselves- Is it kind, Is it true, and is it necessary?  Will it lift people up and change society for the better or are you speaking out of anger and aggression? Are you building up or tearing down?

Maybe this post will not change anyone but me, and maybe that’s ok. True change starts with each individual cleaning out their own hearts and lives. It’s when people start pointing inward instead of outward that we see real growth. Until we take an honest look inside ourselves and start truly loving others no real change will ever happen. I’ve never changed anyone by brute force, nor have I ever been personally changed by it either. I have however been changed drastically when someone has treated me with kindness I didn’t deserve. And when I am honest with myself, there is a lot inside of me to be changed.

Real change starts right here, right now, and in the right place- our own heart.

1st Corinthians 13
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails…

LOVE. NEVER. FAILS.

Starting Over… Again

01 Tuesday Dec 2015

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No milk for breakfast, that’s ok we’ll just have toast today. One son doesn’t want to go school, no problem encourager mom to the rescue. Another son’s interrupting every single conversation my husband and I are trying to have.  No big deal I just patiently tell him to brush his teeth.

What I’m really thinking is- “he won’t be able to talk with a toothbrush in his mouth”.

Then I realize we are also out of dog food, the sink is piled with dishes and there is a broken glass in the broken dishwasher that is now being used as a very expensive drying rack.  One son can’t find underwear, and another can’t find jeans. I now inform my precious  ones that they will either find said clothes or go to school naked, but either way they will be in that car on time.

Encourager mom has now left the building and the new mom who has taken her place has even the pets running in fear. frustrated-mom

At this point I’m beginning to unravel, one tiny thread at a time.  My plan of mother of the year will have to begin again tomorrow.

It’s amazing to me that even after determining in my heart to remain understanding, patient and kind, I can become defeated by 7am.

Now I realize I do have a choice in this. My reactions to the day’s events are all on me, and today my regret list is rapidly growing.

I started out good, I really did, and then inch by inch little things started adding up. None of which were life changing. None are that important. However, each has stolen a little piece of my patience, and I have turned a corner.

Philippians 4:6 says “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”

Had I done this? The truth is I had gotten so caught up in all I had to do and all that was happening this morning that I didn’t take the time to go to God.  I skipped the only thing that could have helped me.

As I sit here typing I am thinking of Paul. In Acts chapter 16 we see a picture of him in jail.  He had been stripped, severely beaten, placed in the inner parts of the jail and had his feet placed in the stocks. His attitude in this situation sets me back a bit. The bible says that at midnight he sings, and not a halfhearted song, but a song of true heartfelt worship that actually shakes the shackles right off- literally.

You see, when we truly come to God in all our moments, with all our hearts; when we worship Him with everything we have even when it hurts, things in our lives change. The shackles that are holding us down and stealing our joy- they have to go.

great moms 4Let’s pause for a minute and reflect on my morning… Here I am losing my cool over a couple of half- naked kids and some dirty dishes.  As I step back and really begin to breathe, I realize my mistake. I put all of my peace in my routine. I wasn’t worshiping in the storm, I was worshiping the storm. I am choosing now to take a new breath, to yet again change course, and get things back on track. I am going to pray and bring all these things before God, and then I’m going to worship with my whole heart.

It’s now a bit after 7am and I’m starting over today. I have God, I’m still breathing, and I just noticed that my husband has dressed the kids.

See, things are already looking up.  I’m praying yours looks up too.