Tag Archives: Jesus

Our Journey Back To Health… This is sooooo hard!

17 Monday Feb 2020

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Oh, I have got to tell you guys- there have been so many ups and downs in this journey. I don’t even know where to start. It was about a year ago that we began taking our health more seriously and we really made so much progress.  

But… 

I’m not going to pull any punches here, instead I’m going to state the obvious and say that this is hard. Like really hard.  

Our lives got incredibly busy over the summer and I found that I was compromising probably more than I should have.  

We also traveled more than we usually do, and, in the spring, we found ourselves in San Antonio Texas visiting our son. I don’t know about you but one of my favorite things to do while traveling is to eat. I absolutely love to try different restaurants and this short vacation was no different. Let me tell you- we had some of the very best Mexican food we have ever had on this trip.  

The most delicious Mexican food… and desserts… oh dear.

Actually, we had it twice and in large quantities.  

I rolled myself out of that place.  

My mouth is salivating just thinking about it.  

Then, as summer began, we went on a cruise to celebrate our 25th (closer to the 26th) anniversary. We had planned this trip with friends and were looking forward to just relaxing, celebrating, and eating… and eating… and eating.  

Oh, that cruise food.  

I tried to eat in moderation on that trip.  

I really tried, but by the third day I had completely thrown moderation out the window and I was fully trying all the food.  

And I do mean ALL.THE.FOOD. 

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again- when this girl does something, she does it right. Good and bad.  

We got back from that big old boat and felt like big old boats ourselves.  

A little afternoon tea on the ship. So fun!

Life.  

We did manage to get back on track when we disembarked but oh it was so much harder. My husband kept going to the kitchen and threatening bad reviews on yelp. (He is seriously funny and usually in trouble…)  

Thankfully we quickly got back on track (for the most part) and continued to maintain our progress.  

And then… 

I got an opportunity to visit my son again- this time we would meet in Dallas TX.  

Guys, there is only so much resolve that I have and mine was melting away by the minute.  

Texas is known for its BBQ and we found ourselves experiencing not only mouth-watering barbecue, but great little unique restaurants, some of the most amazing food trucks and family’s home cooking that fit every single bill.  

The owner of this little food truck was as funny as the food was good.

My pants however did not fit anymore. (Okay- so they still fit, but not comfortably)  

I guess the best part of this journey is that it doesn’t end. When I make the best choices, (tonight for example while I am writing this- I’m craving sweets and junk food, but instead I ate some amazing mango chicken and veggies) I see progress in myself. 

And when I make the not so good choices… well the truth is that doesn’t mean that I’ve failed or that I’m not going to make the goals I’ve set.  

Our minds tell us all sorts of things and when I got on the scale recently, I realized that all those months of good healthy decisions were not lost. Some of the pounds may have come back, but many of them haven’t. That means that where I’m starting today is much farther along than when we began this journey many months ago.  

And what has happened inside of me is so different than where I was in my yo yo diet, you are not good enough, you will never succeed years. 

Now, the scale is an object, but I am not. The scale is just a number, my pants are just a size, and my heart is no longer tied to any of them.  

Do I get discouraged? Yep, but I also get motivated and hopeful. I get to see where I’ve been and where I’m going.  

I get to try and fail and try and win. I get to pick myself up and next year as I write an update to this- I’ll probably have a few more wins and a few more losses to report but all of it will be a story of this amazing life that I’ve been gifted with.  

Gorgeous little winery and another fun afternoon of memories with some amazing people. Wouldn’t change a thing.

I have been so blessed to have been able to visit my son and celebrate our anniversary in such an amazing way this year. When I put all of that into perspective, I wouldn’t change a thing. All those memories were worth a few numbers on the scale.  

Soooooo completely worth it.  

You are worth it too. 

Start writing your story today. Quit worrying about perfection and just appreciate the progress.  

You will win some and you will lose some but, in the end, it really is the journey that matters most. Take the leap today and enjoy the trip.  

Marriage Monday: Why You And Your Spouse Should Stick together.

03 Monday Feb 2020

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Do you realize the power you have when you and your spouse are on the same page? Not only do things change in your relationship, but there is an unbeatable power in the spiritual realm. When you stick together through the good and the bad the enemy loses ground.

The bible says that 1 can put 1000 to flight but 2 can put 10,000 to flight. How’s that for an increase in the odds?

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Recently I was struggling. I was fighting through my emotions (really how bad can 1 persons emotions be?) I was fighting with my desire to speak my mind in situations that I have no place speaking my mind. (Oh please Lord put a muzzle over this girls mouth…) I was fighting with my own attitude, worth, purpose… (Okay, let’s just be honest and admit that sometimes I just plain can’t get it all together… at…all)

My husband snuggled up next to me as we were going to sleep and he rubbed my arm and prayed. He did this without me asking. He did this because I was not doing this myself and he knew that I needed a reset. He knew that I needed a perspective shift and I needed a reminder that one bad day, one bad week… or even a few bad years do not mean that I have failed in this life. (sometimes I can be pretty dramatic)

I did not need a lecture. I just needed me some Jesus. (actually I needed A LOT of Jesus)

Image by Bessi from Pixabay

Immediately I felt a difference.

My husband could have gotten irritated with me, he could have just said “woman get a grip”. And there are times he may have just done that. But this time, he chose what I should have chosen from the beginning.

Maybe he’s learning. Maybe we both are.

Guys, the more we can be unified as friends, parents, and most importantly in the spiritual aspect of our relationship the less power the enemy has over our lives.

It’s important to remember that your spouse is on your team. You are on the same side. Choose to be. Fight to be. Do whatever it takes to be.

Find common ground with your spouse and use that to build on.

There is power in being in agreement. Power in the word of God as well as in our families.

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

The bible says that when we get married we become one flesh- so why is it that we fight so hard against each other? Listen, the enemy knows that if he can get you on opposing sides he can remove all the power you have over your life. (and no I’m not being dramatic here… this one’s legit)

So stand strong together. Be there for each other. Be there when there are tough choices, and be there when mistakes are made. Be there rooting each other on through all of it. The good and the bad.

Let’s start taking back some ground in our lives. Stick together- pray for and with each other and watch what happens in your relationship.

How Many Times Do I Have To Fight The Same Battle?

20 Monday Jan 2020

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“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.” (Margaret Thatcher)  Isn’t that the truth? How many times have I decided that I was going to conquer the mountain before me only to be beat down by the first peak?

Image by pasja1000 from Pixabay

This is my year for… 

I’m going to take that big leap into…

To be honest I think my internal GPS is on a permanent script of “recalculating”.

As I was sitting here today thinking about it all I realized that I have never accomplished any goal the way I thought I would.

Ever.

I have taken backroads, off ramps, and shortcuts that always seemed to lead me the long way around.

Image by Gerhard Gellinger from Pixabay

I have taken the successes and failures of others to heart and compared my own life to theirs.

Through it all I have learned a few things and they’ve stuck with me:

  1. No battle worth fighting is easy and in my experience once it is won (whatever the battle may be- health and nutrition, weight loss, addiction…)
  2. We have to continue the fight to keep it in the winners bracket.

The minute I let my guard down is the minute I begin to slip back into my old ways. Now I don’t mean that the battle is always difficult, but it is always before me. Things I have thought I conquered years ago suddenly rear their ugly heads and I find myself having to make a conscious effort to put them back in their place.  

I used to think that I was a failure because of those times. Now I realize that it’s just part of the process.

Image by klimkin from Pixabay

Do you want to win for good?

Then quit beating yourself up when you have to fight a battle over and over. It’s the battle that makes us strong, it gives us the ability to persevere, and ultimately be changed.

I love gold, but until you heat it up it contains all kinds of impurities. It’s the heat that allows those impurities to be removed and the beauty of the gold can then shine through.

You and I- we are like gold being refined. The fire that we hate, the battle that is long and tiresome- all of it is bringing us to a place where we can look back and see the beauty in it all.

The beauty in ourselves.

The kind of beauty that is so much deeper than what the mirror portrays.

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

We may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.

True.

We may have to fight for months or years, but in the end I’ve never regretted the fight. I’ve always been glad I took on the challenge. Win or lose each and every battle has brought something out of me that I didn’t know existed. I’ve learned, I’ve grown, I’ve lost and I’ve won, and looking back I’m glad for all of it.

I’m not excited for the battle today (are we ever really?) but I am ready to fight. There is so much more to be accomplished than just a single goal and I am surrendering the battle before me to God. With him all things are possible and I know that I don’t have to fight alone. It’s a win win. I make progress and he changes me.  So, here I am welcoming so many battles I really don’t want to fight and I’m completely confident that it will be worth it.

Image by James Wheeler from Pixabay

How about joining me today?  Pick your battle, lace up your gloves and let’s fight together. Gold takes time to be perfectly refined and so do you and I and ya know what?  Both are beautifully worth it.

Do Something That Scares You Everyday…

13 Monday Jan 2020

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Last year I put a sign on my fridge at work that says- “Do something that scares you every day”. I needed the reminder to get out of the box I’d created for myself, to reach for new stars, and try new things.

The old saying that “if you want something new you have to stop doing something old” is such a solid truth. If we want something to change in our lives we have to change something in our lives.

It’s a simple concept that both my body and mind fight tooth and nail.  

Image by Denise Husted from Pixabay

I love staying right inside the box. I like my warm house, my comfort food and my baggy jeans. I’m a fan of surrounding myself with people who build me up and tell me that I’m perfect just the way I am. I need those people in my life. They are like a soft blanket that makes me feel safe and secure.

But what if I surround myself with another layer of people too? What if I begin to surround myself with people who challenge me? Who don’t let me stay in the box or on the couch? My daughter -in -law is one of these people. She is all the kindness of the soft blanket but often manages to kick me in the fanny just when I need it. (She can remind me that this is a good thing someday) She will often ask- have you written “this” yet? Have you started that challenging project yet?

To be honest, I need the push. If given to my own devices I might choose the couch over the project. I might choose comfort over the uncertainty of a new goal.

Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay

My son and daughter -in -law are not afraid to take on a challenge. They are what I call “get out of the boat” kind of people. Where I often want to tiptoe in until the water feels nice, they jump straight out of the boat into the turbulence and they swim. Do they hit every goal the way they thought they would? Do they have to make changes and re-directions often? The answer to both is yes. BUT the point is they live their lives outside of their comfort zones and their lives tell a story that challenges me to rewrite mine.

I am a believer that we should never stop learning, never stop putting ourselves out there- even and especially if we are unsure of ourselves. I recently told my son Zach that when we go through hard times in our lives we should pray that God changes us the way he knows we need it. I told him that we never really change or grow when things are easy and good. I gave him the unsolicited advice that he should embrace the tough times and just trust the process.

Image by Quang Le from Pixabay

I felt like mom of the year when I sent the message- until God pressed upon my own heart that I need to do this as well. Giving that advice was great, but am I living it?

Ouch.

So as this next decade begins my goal is to do just that. It’s time I turn up the heat, launch the boat, and dip my feet into the water. (notice that I did not say jump right in… I am still a work in progress here.)(I am thinking “outside the box” though so that’s good right?) I hope and pray that by the end of the decade I will have jumped right into that ocean of possibilities- but for now I’ve decided to just step out of my little box and look for new opportunities and challenges. I’m uncomfortable, I don’t like the uncertainty one bit, but there is something inside that is loving this.

I’m fully planning to surround myself with more people who will kick my fanny just when I need it and I can’t wait to write to you all in the next 10 years and see who God has made me to be at the end of it.Want to get out of the boat with me?  Come on in the water is- freezing and scary and crazy and I don’t know exactly what it means… but this is going to be a ton of fun.

I Fail As A Mom- Do You?

23 Monday Dec 2019

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Do you ever browse social media only to be met by a myriad of posts portraying perfectly baked cookies, clean houses, and smiling families only to look around at your own burned cookies, floors that needed mopped ages ago and kids wrestling in the living room because someone has the remote and someone else wants it and you question every bit of your worth?

Image by Markus Spiske from Pixabay

Listen, I want you to know right  now that sometimes my house only appears clean because I angled the camera just right.

And my cookies usually turn out pretty good but I admit that at some point I burn a pan every single time I bake. It’s almost laughable.

The truth is- when I get on social media I can always find a reason to beat myself up as a mom, friend, wife…

Just looking at all the posts of holiday decorations and cookie platters I start to feel a bit unworthy of the season. I had good intentions too but the Christmas tree skirt is missing this year and so is the angel for the top so my tree is slightly naked. I’ve decided to just concentrate on the middle and not look at the rest.

The truth is comparison always leads to dwindling self esteem and negative self worth.

Image by Sabrina Ripke from Pixabay

I’m not a good mom because I didn’t bake cookies with my kids and I didn’t build a snowman when we had the latest storm like all the other moms on social media did.

There are a lot of I didn’ts in my life…  

If I’m being totally honest sometimes I’m not a good mom at all. Some days I really do stink at this job.

The reality is we all do. We all wake up and fail miserably. We all forget to put food in our kindergartners lunch pail, we forget the costume for the Halloween parade, we forget… but we don’t give up. That’s what makes us great. It’s not that we keep up with the neighbors or that we get on social media and remind ourselves of all that we “should” be doing to be awesome.

Instead it’s those little sleeping faces that we kiss on the cheek after a hard day and the smiles they give us when they wake up in the morning. It’s the giggling about the dinner that didn’t turn out and the pizza that was ordered instead.

It’s the mess that makes the memories.

Image by Aline Ponce from Pixabay

This weekend my son was in the hospital. Apparently he, like his brothers before him, can’t stand the sight of blood. We learned this the hard way when he cut his finger at school and then took a header onto the hard floor.

This lovely minute of time turned into an overnight hospital stay and a long road of recovery for this kid. Concussions are no joke.

He apologized over and over to me. He knew that I had other plans this weekend and a hospital stay was not one of them. But as we talked I told him this- I don’t remember much about the past few weekends and yes I would never choose for him to be hurt, but this weekend, as we lay in that dark hospital room will be one we talk about for years. We will harass him, we will pick on him, we will remember this.

And he will remember that I slept on a really horrible cold couch next to him all night. He will remember that his dad ran to the store for comfy clothes for him to wear, stayed late with us and returned early because he couldn’t stand to be away. We will remember that dad complained about what a rough night it was because the dog kept him up and how we must have had a much better night than him and how he may need us to rub his feet… (insert laughter and a HUGE NO here)

Image by silviarita from Pixabay

Being a good mom has nothing to do with cookies, crafts, vacations, or smiley family pictures. Being a good mom has everything to do with just being there. That’s it. There isn’t a formula, there isn’t a list that has to be completed. It’s just doing your best and loving them through it all.

Stop comparing yourself, stop failing because you don’t look like the perfect facebook family.

Instead, burn the cookies, mess up the crafts and learn to laugh. Be the mom that smiles not the mom that poses for perfect pictures.

Comparison is a thief of our joy.

God didn’t make a mistake, He knew what he was doing when he chose you to be their mom. So, love them well, pray for them always and enjoy life. Cookies will burn, kids will misbehave, and life will go on. 

Just choose to angle your camera to see the good in it all.

Marriage Monday: Should I Respect My Partner Even If They Don’t Deserve It?

09 Monday Dec 2019

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Respect is earned, that’s for sure. So why should you ever be respectful of your partner if your partner is not respectful of you?

 I have to be honest here. I was the most disrespectful wife. The walls I had put up even before we married gave me the gift of a sharp tongue and a nasty disposition. I was owed something in this life and I let my husband know it. I didn’t trust easily and I wasn’t about to let my guard down.

Image by Luisella Planeta Leoni from Pixabay

 Did I deserve respect? I’m so embarrassed to admit this but the truth is I didn’t, not even a little. Thankfully, God had given Ryan the gift of forgiveness. He was able to look past my faults and love me anyway. He looked for things to appreciate about me and I’m sure if he were honest he would say that sometimes he had to search pretty hard.

Over time I softened and began to treat him with honor and respect as well.

We reap what we sow.

Ryan reaped respect because he had sown it for years. I reaped many ridiculously hard days because of my poor attitude. Today you choose which side you’re on. Your partner may not be worthy of respect either but you can still decide to give it.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

God says that respect is a must. The dictionary describes it as a deep feeling of admiration for someone’s abilities. It changes us to know that someone actually believes in us like that. It was Ryan’s ability to think so highly of me when I knew I didn’t deserve it, that caused me to want to live up to that belief.

Today choose to be respectful of your spouse. Choose to focus on the good in them and start right where you are. Sow today what you want to reap tomorrow and you will reap great rewards in your relationship.

  • Just a little disclaimer here too- we fully realize that some situations may not fit the parameters of this blog. Certainly we don’t condone abuse of any kind and are not claiming that any of you should respect abusers. In fact, we encourage anyone who may be in an unhealthy or abusive situation to seek professional help. Our situation was neither abusive or unhealthy, we were just stubborn people with bad attitudes that needed work on our issues.

Ephesians 5:33

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Prayer: Lord, show me how to better respect my spouse. Open my eyes to all of the great qualities that you have given them and help me to respect them for it. You say that respect is a must; I know there are many areas that I have fallen short in regards to respect. Please help me to do better beginning today. In Jesus name, Amen.

Holiday Craziness and the Thanksgiving Chicken

25 Monday Nov 2019

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Ok, so throughout this journey we’ve been pretty honest about the ups and downs of trying to get healthy, we’ve tried to focus on not worrying so much about weight loss and instead being attentive to how our body is feeling both physically and emotionally.

Now that the holidays are upon us I think it’s only right to really focus on enjoying them. We can’t always take ourselves so seriously and some days / years we really do have to learn to go with the flow.

Image by hudsoncrafted from Pixabay

I remember our first Thanksgiving as one of those previously mentioned years. We all know that the first year of marriage is hard (total understatement) and in addition to the normal adjustments that every couple goes through, we moved 18 hours from home. To top that off my husband had been transferred to a new base (he was in the Navy at the time) and we had absolutely no friends or family at all to help ease the transition.

We were married in September of that year and by November I had decided that I was going to make us a real Thanksgiving dinner even if it was just the two of us, so I made my grocery list and my husband and I headed to the store.

What we found when we got to the store is this- All of the turkeys are frozen. All of them. Who knew?

My husband was excited about this meal and was not about to let a little frozen bird get between him and a huge dinner.

Image by Ian Wilson from Pixabay

And to be honest I had never bought or cooked a turkey before. I just assumed that like other poultry that I had prepared I’d just walk in and grab a nice bird and Thanksgiving would go on without a hitch.

You know what they say about assuming…  Anywho…

Thanksgiving did not go on without a hitch.

There was no time left for a Turkey to thaw so we had to improvise. Grabbing the largest chicken we could find we went on our way. We laughed a lot that holiday and although we’ve had many great Thanksgivings together in the midst of some pretty crazy years- that is one that I remember best. The year we sat alone, miles from home, eating our Thanksgiving chicken in our tiny little apartment off the coast of Georgia.

I think the only holiday I remember even better is the one where I caught the turkey on fire in front of about 20+ family members. Lot’s of people still talk about that one.

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Listen the truth is I don’t remember the years that went perfectly. The memories that are etched in my mind are the ones where things went haywire.

This holiday season, please laugh. Laugh at your mistakes, laugh at the salad that never gets to the table and is found hours after your family has driven away. Laugh at the gift tags that are lost until after the last package is wrapped and you have to use a sharpie marker on the gifts instead of a pretty bow. (Someone almost had a coronary just reading that one… Hehehehe)

Laugh. Relax. Enjoy.

Eat that piece of pie, maybe not the whole pie, but the big piece with the extra whipped cream, eat it. And then really look around- take it all in. The people, the joy, the home, the love. 

Image by Akusmo from Pixabay

Let go of the stress that the holidays bring and embrace them this year. What if you don’t get that handmade Christmas card done?  Listen, I just today had my son grab the melting pumpkins off the porch and throw them away. We just can’t do it all, but we can choose to find the blessing in it all. I’d rather have a boxed card from a friend than to know that my friends are stressed to the limit to create the perfect one. I’d rather have no card at all and to know that my loved ones are curled up on their couches with their families just lovin on each other.

Stop the crazy and choose the moments that truly bring you joy. Make this a holiday season to remember for all the right reasons.

So Happy Thanksgiving to you all. May this holiday season be filled to the brim with love and blessings for you and your family.

Our Journey Back to Health- Looking Back

18 Monday Nov 2019

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Sometimes looking back can really motivate you forward.  It’s crazy how far we’ve come. The new thoughts that naturally run through my mind now before I grab something to snack on are amazing. Is it processed? Does it contain massive amounts of sugar? How am I going to feel tomorrow if I eat this today?   

Image by Jacquelynne Kosmicki from Pixabay

To be clear- I still make some bad choices mixed in with the good. Sometimes I make multiple poor choices in one single day. In fact just the other night I sat alone in the living room, I was bored, lazy and tired so I did what I knew I shouldn’t do.

I put a bag of potato chips on my lap and some good dip to go with them and I ate. I ate and ate and ate. The funniest part of the whole thing was that the only chips we had were from a fall picnic the day before and they were a flavor I didn’t even like. Every time I took a bite I was like- yuck I don’t even like these. So I put more dip on each chip to cover the flavor and pressed on.

Listen when I put my mind to something I do it right. Good and bad.

I laugh at this today because it shows me a few things. One, I have not arrived yet. This girl has a long way to go. Two, I have come so far. Less than a year ago when I began this journey to health, I would have let that moment be just another in my list of reasons to quit. I mean doesn’t it show that I can’t possibly win this battle? 

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

The answer is a firm NO. What it actually shows is that I am just a normal girl who sometimes makes bad food choices. (let’s just focus on food today and not the whole rest of my choices… I may need another bag of chips and more dip if we go too far here.)  But when I look at the big picture- when I really look back at all the days I did make good healthy choices, I’m pretty proud of my progress. My clothes are fitting great, I feel tons better, and I don’t stress the scale like I used to at all. In fact, sometimes I seriously forget to even get on it.

Most importantly- I’m thankful that I got started. I’m incredibly thankful that last January I decided to do this. What if I hadn’t? Instead of quitting because of a bag of chips and a couple days of eating everything in sight, what if I’d never even started?  Those are the scary questions for me. I certainly have lived those years too and they are the ones I regret. I wish I had started sooner, but man am I glad I started at all.

Really glad.

Listen if you need to make a change today. Make it. Don’t wait till tomorrow and beat yourself down for what you did 3 days ago. Give yourself permission to try and never give up. I can’t wait to hear from you a year from now and see your progress and listen to the pride in your voice as you take steps to accomplish your goals.

Image by Sasin Tipchai from Pixabay

Want to go to college?  Take a class. Want to lose a few pounds then start by making a small permanent change today that will bring you closer to that goal. The point is- START. You will never get closer to your dreams by sitting on them. Get up, pick up those dreams and fly. Life is worth living and a year from now I want to look back again and this time see how far WE’VE come together!

Marriage Monday: The IF word.

11 Monday Nov 2019

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There have been times when I’ve doubted my relationship. I’ve doubted my husband, doubted myself, and doubted our ability to pick up the pieces and figure things out. I’ve wondered if I made a mistake. Would I have been better off if…

If what?

If I’d married someone else? If I’d made different choices?

Image by Bessi from Pixabay

I read somewhere once that the reason the grass is greener on the other side of the fence is because of the large amounts of “fertilizer” that’s been applied. I’m going to jump right out onto that grass and say that we have enough crap of our own to fertilize all the yards we can handle. I don’t need someone else’s.

IF is a word that needs to be eliminated from our marriage vocabulary. It’s a very dangerous word that has absolutely no merit in our current lives and situations. The only way this word should be used is to ask the simple question- What if we try this to work it out. That’s it.  

The minute our eyes wander, the minute we think that our soul mate is the other guy (or girl)- the one created straight out of the perfect Hallmark movie and we must have not realized it so they got away and we’ve been left with the “other guy”- that scenario is the moment we lose in our relationship. (and by the way I am not in any way against Hallmark sappy, happy ending, frequently binged watched by this girl, love stories.) I just need to remind myself that there is reality and then there is… well perfectly scripted endings.

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Reality is far from perfect.

My reality is a lot harder work than I originally thought it would be when I said “I do”. Back then I had no idea how many sleepless nights the kids would cause. I didn’t know that I would be tired, stressed, worried… I didn’t know that there would be times when money would be so tight that we would search the house for loose change just to buy a book from the kindergartners book order. I didn’t know these things would be my reality but there were also a lot of other things that I didn’t know.

I didn’t know that my husband would work so hard for us. I didn’t know that he would be the most solid man I’ve ever met. I didn’t know that we’d laugh so hard our stomachs would hurt, that we’d watch our kids grow up and skin their knees, and make us crazy. I didn’t know that we were dreamers and planners and would spend hours talking about the trips we wanted to take and the excitement over our future. I didn’t know that so many good things would be woven into those trials. I’m so glad for all that I didn’t know. I’m really thankful that I’ve gotten to grow and learn and change right alongside the man that I didn’t know would not give up on me. Not give up on us. I’m so glad for that stubborn guy. (most of the time)

Image by Pusteblume0815 from Pixabay

What don’t you know? What lists can you make that can change your focus? What words do you need to eliminate from your vocabulary? Trust me in this- get rid of them. Focus on the great things, look at what you do have and quit worrying about how pretty the yard next door is.

Believe me it may take more fertilizer than you are prepared to deal with to make it look that good.

Marriage Monday: It’s Time To FIGHT… Fair.

04 Monday Nov 2019

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My husband irritates me. A lot. It’s almost comical sometimes because we’ve been together so long that he can spin me up and make me so mad and then without whole lot of effort he can bring me right back to calm again. And I’m not bragging here- but I can do the same to him.

Image by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay

The reality of marriage is this- there are times when we are going to annoy each other. I love my husband and can list a million awesome qualities, but his snoring alone can send me clean over the edge and it’s just plain frustrating when he tells me that “oh I need to bring a dish to pass to a work event… did I forget to tell you?” Ummm yep, now back away slowly, very slowly…

Fighting in a relationship does not necessarily mean there is a problem with the relationship. Sometimes it’s just a part of the process. The problem comes in when couples don’t fight fair. They bring up laundry lists of past sins and suddenly the irritation of your partner not putting the toilet paper on the roll correctly moves into a personal attack on their character and things just spiral out of control. (there is a “right” way to put the toilet paper on the roll by the way… maybe a topic for another blog.)

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

Can we take a step back please? There is a danger in allowing our disagreements to turn ugly. We need to learn to look for ways of getting our point across without hurting our spouse in the process. Easier said than done sometimes but keep in mind that there are bridges in life that once burned are hard to back pedal from. Name calling, listing every single crime your partner has committed, screaming, losing control, throwing macaroni and cheese at your spouse because they cared more about that than the argument- those are things that matter long term. (okay, maybe you can laugh about the mac and cheese later, but you still shouldn’t throw it, some of us learn the hard way).

Please remember that there are long term effects of a short temper and this life we are building together is worth keeping our cool. So, take a deep breath today, be angry- but sin not. Your relationship will thank you later.

Scripture Reference:

Mark 3:25 If a house is divided against itself, that house cannot stand.

Ephesians 4:26-27 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Prayer: Lord, please help us today to handle our conflicts with grace and peace. Help us to learn how to disagree with our spouse without it becoming a personal attack against one another. Let us realize that disagreements are normal, but that they too need to be handled with care and concern for the other person even when it hurts. Lord, help us fight fair today so that we can continue on a better path for this relationship. In Jesus name, Amen