Tag Archives: hope

Our Journey Back To Health- Don’t Isolate Yourself

10 Wednesday Apr 2019

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One of the things I’ve learned on this journey to health is that trying to do this alone is not very effective. To be honest I don’t like to rely on people. I don’t like vulnerability or sharing my insecurities and I don’t think I’m alone in those feelings. When I began writing this blog I argued with God over every single post. I worried about being judged and critiqued by those I care about because believe me, no one wants to take the skeletons out of that neatly packaged closet.

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Oh but when we do.

When we admit the truth to the journey; when we admit more than the outcome and we share the struggles and the bruises along the way we find healing for more than ourselves. Instead we share our healing with the world around us. 

One of the things I love most about reading the bible is that when I do I find a group of people who the world would most certainly consider failures. Yet in the very midst of their mess they become world changers under the guidance, love, and forgiveness of our God. Imperfect people putting their lives out there for Christ, that’s exactly who I want us to be. Those who are scared, worried, stressed and even vulnerable- we all become powerful in the hands of Christ. What I also noticed is that none of those people did it alone. They needed Jesus and they most definitely needed each other and whether we want to admit it or not we do too.

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It’s not easy allowing others to see those damaged areas of our lives or asking for help when we feel down or are struggling, but if we just let people glimpse the pain then maybe we can all prevail together. Let’s all be honest for a minute. If Jesus did not walk this world alone then how do we expect to? He relied on God and spent time opening his heart to man. He talked with people about their struggles, he prayed, he was let down, he forgave, and he moved forward. Shouldn’t that be the blueprint of our life too? We spend so much time protecting ourselves from the possible pain that opening up might bring that we miss the joy that comes when we decide to finally come out of hiding.

Open up today. Talk to those around you, begin to trust again. Let your life be a beacon of hope instead of a perfectly wrapped package that feels empty inside. When we open up and let others into our situations we fill that gift with all the best things. Hope, endurance, trust, overcoming, friendship and so much more. Will we be let down at times?  Sure, but is that a reason to isolate ourselves? An excuse maybe but not a reason.

Never a reason.

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There is power in our time spent with others. Matthew 18:19 says 19 “Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. Deuteronomy 32:30 says 30 How could one chase a thousand, And two put ten thousand to flight,” … Isn’t it amazing how much stronger and more effective we are when we join together?  Listen, life is hard enough, why not help each other carry the burdens rather than watch each other struggle through the heavy stuff. I think this verse in Ecclesiastes sums it all up perfectly.

4:9-12 (ESV)’Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

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How many times have you needed lifting up? How many times have you been desperate for someone to stand with you, but you haven’t reached out? What I’m finding is this- When I try to be strong on my own I tend to fall short, but when I rely on others and have people relying on me, I become stronger than I ever imagined I could be on my own.

Find someone to stand with you today. Follow Jesus’s example and surround yourself with people who will help you carry the burden and not heap added weight onto your shoulders. It just may make all the difference.

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It’s time for a little update on our Journey- at this point we are almost 3 months in and I have more energy than I have had in a long time and so does my husband. In fact, Ryan has had a lot less pain in his legs and feet as well. We are still eating as clean as we can and are honestly not craving sugar and processed carbs like we used to. I’m finding new foods that we both love and right before my son left for boot camp he told me that he was loving our new meals. That’s a compliment in itself. Who said eating healthy had to be boring? As for the scale, it’s still coming down. Ryan has lost a total of 18 pounds and I have lost 16. Our clothes are fitting so much better, Ryan has had to move some holes on his belt and I am starting to look for some smaller sizes. And this morning while we were getting around Ryan looked at me and he said the best part is that we CAN keep this up. It’s something we can easily live and not just do for a time. I think finding something that is manageable long term has been one of the most important lessons for us. If you are on this journey today or even thinking about starting a journey for your health too then this is something to consider. Don’t look for a quick fix, don’t find a short term solution to a long term problem. The easy road never leads to lasting change. Instead, be realistic and start with some small changes that can be maintained over time. And don’t try to do everything alone because the truth is we need each other and the best results happen when we have someone beside us along the way.

(As a side note before you begin any plan consult your doctor and be sure that it is the best fit for you.)

Our Journey Back to Health: Managing Stress

10 Sunday Mar 2019

Posted by in Personal Growth

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If you read my blog about my son leaving for boot camp then you know this mommas heart has held so many emotions this month that it is about to burst. Stress is a major enemy in any healthy lifestyle change and although I’m glad to say that we stuck with our healthy eating plan, I struggled big time.

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Food has always been a huge comfort for me, it’s my go to when I have something awesome to celebrate. It’s my companion when I’ve had a rough day and my constant friend when I’m alone.

Watching my son prepare for this new season of his life was amazing, he was ready for it, I was not. I wanted to use food in all the ways I always had. Celebrate this new season, comfort my aching heart, remove the pain of loneliness, ease the reality of letting go. Without my usual go to treats, I was at a bit of a loss. Breaking old habits is hard, creating new ones in the midst of raw emotions… even harder.

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I know this new season will be incredible. I’m always amazed at how God works it all out, but there is pain in the process and I was wanting some sugar to ease it all. To top it off my husband was away at a conference and had no choice but to eat out for most of a week and the way our schedule worked we ended up eating out for 3 days after he got home. It’s a wonder we didn’t gain all the weight back.

But we didn’t.

He ended up only gaining a pound and I didn’t get on the scale. Ignorance is not bliss but I have to be honest here. With all the emotions I was dealing with, I didn’t think I could handle the scale at this moment so I made the decision to take a breath and stay off of it. I decided that instead I would celebrate the fact that we had both stuck to our plan completely. Food cooked at restaurants may not have the same healthy standards that we have at home, so no matter how hard we try weeks like this will come and I knew that I needed to make a decision to be proud of our progress and move forward.  

So how did I deal with the stress? I’ve compiled 5 things that helped me through.

1. I took a lot of hot baths. 

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I spent hours in that tub and when I say hot bath I mean that if I step out of the bath and I can’t see a difference in the parts that were in the water and the parts that were not- we have a problem. (Yes, I do know that scalding hot baths may not be the health choice of the season, but I like it that way and it was better than eating a whole cheesecake which was plan B.)

I needed those baths. This was a time for me to turn all the lights off, light some candles, (I especially love those fake battery operated ones that look real) and turn on some great worship music. As I lay there, praying, worshiping, and sometimes crying, I found some peace. I laced my bath with Epson salts and essential oils, set a nice glass of wine on the side of the tub and soaked until I wrinkled. Those sweet peaceful aromas and that relaxing atmosphere did not take the stress away completely, but it did give me a much-needed reprieve. 

2. A great book is a perfect getaway.

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I love to read, but I don’t take the time for it anymore. So this month I did. I had a couple books that were recommended to me by a ladies book club at my church and I decided to dive in. These books were in the Christian self-help genre and what I found was exactly what I needed. I found encouragement, laughter, tears, and motivation. They were not diet books, they were books for life that held so many nuggets of truth that I had to make more mental notes that I can hold. Currently I’m re-reading one of those books. If I can fill my mind with the good things, then there won’t be room for the bad right? 

3. Prayer works.

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I know that I already mentioned prayer in the bath part of this blog, but this topic needs a section all its own. Prayer gives hope, help and a way to let go of stress. I have always been a praying woman. Lately though, I’ve been distracted in prayer and realized it was time to really refocus. I started writing in my prayer journal again, and I began to truly get alone with God. I need Him always but life gets in the way more than I want to admit. The bible says to give God our cares because he cares for us. How can I give anything to God if I’m not praying. Each time I’d pray- there would be peace. Like most of you, once I was done praying, the peace would fade. Life has a way of doing that to us, so I prayed often and held on tight.

4. Understanding that Good Stress is still stress.

My son leaving was what I would consider good stress. This was his dream, something he fought for, something he had overcome many obstacles to accomplish. I was and am very proud of him and extremely excited for him, but I quickly realized that no matter how “good” this was, I couldn’t control the anxiety it caused. What would my new life look like without him in the day to day?  What was my purpose now that most of my kids were raised and gone?  Who am I without them?  These are not bad questions, but they are stressful ones. I needed to get to a place where asking them didn’t cut like a knife and seem like an ending to a season I adored. Instead I needed to ask them honestly and prayerfully and find a way to see this new season as the beginning of an amazing new chapter.

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5. I need something to look forward too.

I need something to be excited about. It doesn’t have to be expensive or outlandish, it just has to be on the calendar. Something I can shoot for, mark off the days for. My husband and I have “date nights” a couple times a month where we literally just go out to dinner and then get groceries. I know your jealous, (LOL) but hear me out. Just knowing that I have a night away, a night where we will have a quiet dinner, a time to talk, and a reset on our weeks- this gets me through the tough days. In a few weeks we have a whole night away planned and I’m super excited about that as well. It’s amazing how 1 night away can reset a weary soul. What about you?  What works for you?  What doesn’t?  Throughout this journey I’m realizing more and more how unique we all are and how incredibly cool that is. My husband handles stress very differently than I do, instead of a hot bath he sinks deeply into his recliner and gets his mind on a computer game or watches a movie. If life gets overwhelming for him, that’s where you’ll find him. He has been there a lot lately. Letting go is hard. Adjusting to new seasons filled with uncertainty and change- even harder. So we learn to lean into God, we manage our emotions to the best of our ability and we keep moving forward. One step today equals two tomorrow and after a while we look back and we realize how far we’ve come.

Letting Go When You Want To Hold On.

03 Sunday Mar 2019

Posted by in Kids and Family

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I didn’t realize that letting go would hurt this much. Sure I knew that time would fly and that in the blink of an eye my sweet babies would be all grown up and moving on in this world. I knew that. I held on tight. I made a point to snuggle as much as I could, to read stories, and have family nights.  I made a point to enjoy every minute. I did all that and it still went by far too fast. I still want just one more day.

 I’ll always want one more.

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Many years ago on a family vacation to the beach, we passed a cute little street of shops that I really wanted to check out, but after a long day of sandcastles and waves my family was just too tired to join me, all except Zach. He and I headed out and shopped that day. We checked out the souvenir shops, we looked at t-shirts and stuffed animals, seashells, and salt water taffy, then we decided an ice cream break was in order.  We sat at a cute little outdoor table and enjoyed a sundae that was far too big for the little guy that he was and we talked. We talked and talked and talked. Zach and I are both gifted in that art. Now I don’t remember anything we talked about, but I do very clearly remember this- after all the days at the beach, the aquariums we visited, and the adventures we had- I asked the kids what they liked best.  “The ice cream” Zach replied.

Ice cream.

Hours from home, new experiences, and long fun days and it all came down to ice cream. I learned something that day that I will never forget. It isn’t the big things in life that really matter. Instead, it’s the tiniest of moments that come together to make life sweet. It’s laughing around the kitchen table, watching family movies, coloring outside the lines and giggling at inside jokes no one else would understand.

That little boy boarded a plane today. He is flying across the country to join our amazing military. He towers over me now, and I am more proud than I ever imagined possible.  The problem is I struggle not to see the little boy with ice cream all over his face.

Me letting go but wanting to hold on.
Photo credits to my husband on this one.

 I struggle letting go.

Gretchen Rubin says that “The days are long but the years are short.” Oh how right she is. My oldest son and his wife gave birth to their first little boy just a few short months ago. It’s funny how life comes full circle. I watched as one boarded a plane and the other held tight to a brand new life. What a reminder of the blessings each season has to offer.

I realized something else today too. I realized that this new season that is so uncomfortable in the process- will hold the same tremendous hope that the last one did. I know that in time I’ll want this new season to last forever too.  There is so much good mixed in with the tears.

I still have one more son at home with me and he is terrified. He too has realized something in all this.  He knows that he is the last of my babies and that his mom needs something to hold onto.   She needs someone to “mother”. He’s terrified that he will get ALL the mothering that I have to offer and to be honest he’s probably right. So please pray for him he’s going to need it.

If you are struggling with letting go today. I want you to know that you are not alone. We will get through this and we will look back and rejoice at all this new season has to offer, but in the process- if a few tears are necessary, that’s okay too.

Our Journey Back To Health- The Gain

24 Sunday Feb 2019

Posted by in Personal Growth

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Just one week after I finished writing our month one health blog- I gain two pounds. Two pounds!! I didn’t go off plan once, not even once! Incidentally, I’ve learned a few things- #1. You can gain weight eating healthy foods.  #2. Delicious grapes dipped in straight cream cheese needs to be eaten within reason. Now, for those of you who have never tried this delight, don’t knock it till you give it a chance. Month 2 started out with me craving sugar, bread and every single thing we had eliminated from our diet. In order to fight these cravings I decided to have a little bit of the aforementioned treats. I love them, in hindsight though- you can’t tell yourself that you can eat the entire package of cream cheese over a 2 day period along with some extra fried chicken wings and think that you won’t gain a pound.

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I did know better, and although every item I ate was on the list of allowable foods, I fully realized that they were not the best choices. (Insert deep frustrated breath).

In my yo yo dieting days, I would feel wonderful as the weight was coming off, then the minute a pound came back on failure set in and giving up would follow. The old mantra would always begin with “I knew I couldn’t do this. It’s impossible”. “Look at all the people who have failed trying to lose weight and get healthy, if they can’t do it I certainly can’t”.

It never ends.

Today, I welcomed that garbage in like I welcome those Klondike bars in the freezer section of my supermarket. I chewed those thoughts up, swirled them around in my head and feasted on them. As I did, that old failure mentality came crushing back until I slapped it square in the face.

Sometimes you just have to take a stand.

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I stood. (And you may stop reading after you hear this, but in my head a battle raged that I needed to win) So, I pictured myself with a knockout punch to the head of that horrible hate filled monster that was hijacking my thoughts. Hey, I’m a pretty good fighter and I didn’t even know it. 

Seriously though, in the past this set back was my excuse to quit. Those thoughts dragged me right to the kitchen, where I would follow them with a binge like you have not experienced before. I can whip up a mug cake faster than you can read this paragraph and that’s just the appetizer. The chips and dip, the cookies, cheesecake, chocolate covered cherries, the Klondike bars- these are items straight from heaven itself. And because I had “failed” I would eat these things at first to comfort myself but that comfort would soon be replaced by an even greater failure and because I had failed again, I would begin to believe that I didn’t deserve success. (Insert more bad food choices here) Unchecked emotions always lead to another step in the wrong direction. Always.

Can I be honest? I’m embarrassed just reading this back to myself.

However, the truth is the truth, and how can we move forward if we are not honest with ourselves first and then others?

At this point, I needed to figure out how to move forward. One word came to mind and I tried to sucker punch it too but it wouldn’t go away. (Can you see my grumpy face in your head?)

Exercise.

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I don’t have time for this. There must be another way. We were already making time for Ryan to go in to work early a few days a week to exercise with a friend. So that meant me carrying the weight of the morning routine on my shoulders which made for an awesome excuse for me. I mean I didn’t need the exercise as much as him right? And It’s not that I hate it, I just don’t like it. I do on the other hand, hate sports bras, sweat, sore muscles and the time it takes on top of all of the other chores and mom duties that I have on my plate.

This time has to be different, this time I can’t commit to hard core cardio every day, I can’t commit to weight training for hours, I need something doable for me personally. Something that I can measure every day and work within my schedule. Just like fad diets don’t work for me, fad workouts don’t either.

Years ago, I had a cheap watch with a pedometer in it. I loved seeing how many steps I could get in a day.  It broke after about 6 months and I never replaced it. This is where I decided to start so I got on the internet and bought myself a new sports watch. Nothing fancy just something to allow me to monitor my steps each day and to set goals for myself. Will I add some other workouts to the mix?  Sure, but this would allow me to set daily goals that are attainable, can be worked right into my job (what’s an extra trip or two around the building if I am not making my step goal that day?), and it’s something I enjoy. I actually like setting those step goals and trying to see what it takes to beat them.  

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I am winning, not because the scale is turning around, not because I look the way I want to, (neither of these is true at this moment) but I’m winning because today, I broke the pattern. Today I chose a different path, I chose to take the one less traveled, the one with a different script that leads to a different destination. Instead of the cake, I chose the stepper.

So goodbye embarrassment, I refuse to think twice about the crazy in my head. Instead, I’m going to concentrate on the gold medal around my neck. The one that says that I am God’s girl, beautiful, redeemed, hopeful, and thankful.

2 Timothy Says “I fought the good fight, I finished the race, I kept the faith.” That is my new mantra. That is my new script.

Tomorrow I’ll take another step forward and one day I will win this race.

Our Journey Back To Health- Month 1

19 Tuesday Feb 2019

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Recently my husband and I decided to embark on a healthy weight loss journey. Honestly, neither of us was very excited to begin this journey, but we both agreed that it needed to be done.  And not for vanity sake either, we both hadn’t felt well in a very long time and we knew that our diet was contributing to the problem. (Okay, in the spirit of full disclosure, this decision may have had an element of vanity attached.)

In the past I have often called my husband my own personal “diet killer”. We would start a diet in the morning, and he would bake brownies, buy cookies, and take me out for a special ice cream that night. He has a gift.

This time though we decided to change our eating habits a bit differently.  We looked at what was making us feel bad physically and we eliminated those things. Here are some tips that made our first month successful.

  1. Meal Planning:
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Photo Via Pixabay

Every week my husband and I sit down and we find meals that fit our new plan. We have decided that for us counting calories and worrying about proportions just won’t work. Since we are trying to make a permanent change, we needed something that we could do anywhere easily. We would plan healthy meals that consisted of mostly meat and veggies. In a nutshell, we decided to give up bread, pasta, and sugar. This plan isn’t for everyone, we prayed about what would be best for us and decided that this was something that we could maintain long term. My husband eliminated oatmeal from his diet as well. When he eats oatmeal his sugar spikes, I on the other hand have no trouble with it what so ever and so I eat it sparingly, usually when he isn’t around.

  1. Goal setting:

We set some short and long-term goals all while allowing us some rewards and fun in the process. For example- on Valentine’s day a friend invited us to come along for a date night at a local venue. For one fee, we could enjoy an appetizer of cheese fondue, a meal of steak, chicken and veggies, along with chocolate fondue for dessert. In between enjoying the food, the men would create flower arrangements for us, while we got to put together a nice bottle of massage oil for them. Oooo laa laa. Together my husband and I decided that since this special date night was about a month and a half into our new lifestyle we would plan for this to be a night of reward. IF, we stuck to our new plan we would allow ourselves to celebrate. We decided not to call it a cheat night. I hate that word and it isn’t cheating, it’s celebrating how well we had done. We also decided that IF we failed to stick to the plan, we would cancel the night. Listen, for us we needed both the incentive and the consequence.

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What we didn’t do was put a weekly weight loss amount on our plan. If we were hungry, we chose foods like fruit, veggies, nuts, anything on the plan would work.

My husband does not view the scale like I do. To him the number on the scale is just that. A number. For me the number sometimes means that I have failed, that I have not made good choices and that I am ugly. Like I said earlier, full disclosure. This leads me to the next tip.

  1. Change our (my) thoughts:

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I needed success to be measured by each day doing something healthy for my body. I needed to change my thoughts, change my heart and start telling myself each day that I was who God said I was and not be defined by the scale. I needed to re-see those numbers and realize that they may be an indication that I need to make some healthier choices, but they are not any indication of my worth. To do this I knew that I needed to study God’s word in this area. I needed to see what He had to say about me so that I could unravel years of wrong thinking. It’s unbelievable how much we grow up learning to agree with the world instead of God. So, I found scriptures about my worth, my beauty, and how much I am loved. The world says I need to fit a standard to have value, God says I have more value than the world can count.

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I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again- progress over perfection is where I’m at. I am making progress in this area, but there is so much more work to be done. I easily slip back into my old habits and thoughts. I recently did some research on how long it takes to break a habit and create a new one. What I found was very revealing. The facts showed that it takes anywhere from 21 days to a year to truly create a new habit. Not so shocking is that the number of days it took was very personal. Each of us is an individual and our bodies and minds are individual too.

results
Photo Via Pixabay

Month 1 results: (Yes, I did say that I have issues with the scale- I didn’t say I wouldn’t be getting on it. Although I need to see the big picture in all this, I do need to visit this little piece from time to time.)

I’m very happy to report that the best result is this- We both feel so much better. We have more energy and have found that we are really enjoying our new meals. We look for recipes that appeal to us and have added some new favorites to our menu.

Moreover, yes, we have both lost weight. I have lost 8 pounds, my husband 9.  Our jeans are already fitting better and to be completely honest I haven’t felt like it’s a diet. Instead, I find myself excited to see what’s next. We have had some days that were hard and we will talk about those in the upcoming weeks, but all in all this process has been a really, really, positive one.

The Joy Will Come

01 Sunday Apr 2018

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One of the saddest comments I hear every single day are the words “no one understands”.  Those feelings of utter despair, hopelessness, and loneliness are often heightened during the holiday season. We continue with our traditions while the stress of the holidays lay like a weight on our shoulders. We work hard to please the young ones. We hunt eggs, eat chocolate, have family meals and unpack baskets of goodies, all the while hiding a mountain of despair under a pasted smile.

We try to remind ourselves of the joy this season should bring us, but instead we are often left with guilt because that joy seems so unreachable.

I wonder if maybe we are looking in the wrong places for that joy.  Now, I don’t mean that eggs and baskets and family gatherings should be pushed to the wayside. Not at all.

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I do think however that often we passively look to the cross, we glance at the resurrection and we truly do appreciate all that Jesus did for us, but He was Jesus, and that was then. We are told that what He did was enough, that we can leave our sin, our guilt, our shame and we can now have joy, peace, and hope. So if this is the case then where did it all go?  Why does it seem so hard to attain? (Photo Via Pixabay) 

Maybe we just don’t dig deep enough.

Yes the cross is enough, Yes Jesus’s resurrection is enough, but No it wasn’t all. It wasn’t. There was more that we miss, more we need to look at in order to receive all that He intended for us to have.

Let me show you the more today.

In Luke 22:44 KJV we see Jesus in the garden praying about the upcoming cross he was soon to bear and “being in agony, he prayed more earnestly, Then his sweat became like great drops of blood falling to the ground.” Our Jesus was in agony as he cried out to God. The bible says that he openly asked God to take this burden from him. (See Matthew 26:39) Can you believe that even our precious Jesus had times in his life when what he was facing was just too much?

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So Jesus, being just like us, does exactly what we do when we are desperate. He asks his friends for help. He asks them to simply stay awake and support him in prayer. Just like us, they can’t see his troubles, they can’t feel his pain, and exhausted from their own day, they sleep. (Matthew 26:40)

Loneliness.

Later we are shown a horrifying picture of Jesus beaten and nailed to an old rugged cross. Dying he suffered unspeakable pain just for you and just for me. Yet there is one more detail that needs to be mentioned here. In the last moments of Jesus’s life on this Earth, we see him cry out to God one more time and what He says breaks my whole heart. Jesus has done everything asked of him. He has given all he could give and in his last moments we hear him cry “… My God, My God, Why have you forsaken me?” (Photo Via Pixabay)

Hopelessness.

You see, Jesus dying on that cross is awesome and amazing and cruel and terrible and he did it all for us. Did you also know that he was so totally a man who in his weakness and humanness he didn’t think he could handle it? Did you ever really think about the little details of this story?  That Jesus was so alone, so scared, so desperate and no one came to his aid. No one supported him, no one helped him. His best friends slept. His prayers didn’t seem to be heard and His God, Our God, seemed to turn his back on him.

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I love this, not because of what Jesus suffered, but because when I look at these little moments; when I look at what Jesus went through I KNOW He understands. He understands my pain. He understands when I don’t think I can handle what life has thrown at me. He gets that I’m only human. He’s been there, He’s done that, and He knows. (Photo Via Pixabay)

Hebrews 12:2 says “… for the joy set before him he endured the cross…” Jesus endured the physical pain, He endured the mental despair, He endured the loneliness; Jesus endured it all. And he did it because of the Joy that would come.

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Today, when you think about the Easter story, when you think about what Jesus did for you, look just a bit deeper and receive just a bit more. Yes He died, Yes He lives, Yes He understands, and Yes He will get you through everything. And Yes, just like Him, your joy will come. (Photo Via Pixabay)

When Life Doesn’t Go the Way You Plan

18 Monday Sep 2017

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Guest post By Ryan Schrader

Many big events in our lives often play out a little bit like the following illustration:

So I’m planning this dream trip to Paris. A trip I’ve been waiting years for. I have all the right clothes picked out; places I want to visit all mapped out. I know what restaurants I’m planning to eat at and everything is perfect.

Finally, the day is here. The plane lands and I’m ready for my adventure in Paris. But as I get off the plane I am shocked to realize that the plane didn’t land in Paris. The plane landed in Ireland. This can’t be happening. I didn’t plan for Ireland, I don’t have the right clothes, I don’t know where to eat or stay in Ireland… Isn’t that how life works?

We make all these big plans and preparations and then in one instant everything changes.

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So what is your Paris? (Photo by Pixabay)

Maybe it was failing out of college. Maybe you lost your dream job, or your marriage ended in divorce. Maybe it was a diagnosis or the loss of a loved one. You see we all have these pivotal moments in our lives that drastically change the path we are on.

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A few years ago, I had a moment that would change the focus of my entire life. (Photo by Pixabay)

You see, I lost my baby sister in a horseback riding accident. When that phone call came in, I felt like the plane of my life took a sudden heartbreaking detour from the Paris I had planned and landed in a location I never wanted to go.

So what now?

What do we do when we feel hopeless, helpless and desperate? When we feel like we don’t have enough faith to even take the next breath much less keep going? What do we do when things don’t work out how we planned? When that plane doesn’t land in Paris?sad-2635043_640

It’s the answer to that very question that I want to talk about today.

You see there is an enemy in this world who’s only goal is to steal, kill and destroy. The Bible says this enemy roams the earth looking for whom he can devour. Becoming a Christian and accepting Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior unfortunately doesn’t give us a pass on bad things happening in our lives. (Photo by Pixabay)

But it does give us the answer to that question.

And that answer is HOPE.

The hope in a sovereign God that Romans chapter 8 tells us is able to work all things for the good of those who love him. Not some, not limited to the minor tragedies of life- no, it says ALL things. It says Ryan, your little sisters passing was not in vain. It says there is a God in heaven who is able to take that awful tragedy and make something good out of it.Have Hope Photo via Pixabay

Did God cause the death of my little sister? Absolutely not. Did God cause all the bad things that have happened to each of you over the years? Absolutely not. (Photo by Pixabay)

From the time sin entered this world there has been death and pain and suffering. But in the middle of the pain and sorrow of this life is a sovereign God who promises to take what the enemy has meant for evil and turn it to good. There is a God in heaven that says to each of us that if you will let me I will take what the enemy is using to destroy you and instead I will use it to draw us nearer together than we have ever been before.

Are we going to understand everything that happens in this life?

NOPE.

That’s what faith is for, its deciding in our hearts that even though I don’t understand why and I don’t see how anything good could possibly come out of all of this pain. I’m choosing to believe in faith that what my God has promised me- is true.

What do you do when the plane lands and it’s not in Paris? What do we do when the phone rings and suddenly your little sister is gone?

You get mad, you ask a lot of questions. You cry and you mourn and you pull together as a family, you do all those things BUT the one thing you don’t do is you don’t cut God out. Instead, you have to realize that God is the only one who can take all the broken pieces of your life and put you back together.heart-1947624_640

If there is one thing that I know, it is at those times in our lives, in the middle of the pain, loss and sorrow that we have to draw even nearer to God. We have to make a conscious decision to trust in the promise that he can and will work all things for good.

Isaiah 61:3 says that we will be given beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for our mourning. (Photo by Pixabay)

We will mourn. We will hurt, cry, get angry, and struggle.

You see when you get off that plane its ok to take time to mourn not landing in Paris, but it’s not ok to stay there forever. There you will only find emptiness, sorrow and bitterness. Getting stuck here will keep you from seeing the beauty, hope and joy that are waiting for you in Ireland.

My sister had touched so many people’s lives in her short time on this earth and although our lives are so drastically different without her here, we are learning to enjoy the beauty of Ireland. We have been given the gift of watching her children grow and have families of their own. We are so much more aware of the beauty of each and every day and we no longer take even the smallest moments for granted. We didn’t plan for this, we wouldn’t choose this path, it’s certainly not Paris. But, there is beauty and hope that is arising from those ashes of loss and we are thankful for God rebuilding our lives and putting those pieces back together. I pray that you let God do the same for you.

In memory of my sister Wendi. I look forward to seeing you again someday. You are forever in my heart. Love, Ryan.

What Good are Scars?

04 Monday Jul 2016

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A few months ago I was hurriedly staining trim boards for my son’s bedroom and I began to notice how just a tiny bit of stain started to change the whole look of the wood. Every knot, line, and bruise- they all became visible, and although they are the imperfections of the wood, they really are the best part. They give it character, life, and tell a story.

I want to be like that piece of wood. I don’t want my scars to be something that I’m afraid to show the world.

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Scars can be beautiful.

They tell a story of healing, of coming out of trials and tragedies, overcoming weaknesses, and living to tell the tale.

They are our testimony to the world. We can do this life.

I love reading about Thomas in the bible. Most call him “doubting Thomas” because Jesus had to show him His scars for Thomas to believe. I’m like that too. I need to see the scars of the people who have come before me in order to overcome some things myself. I want to know that others dealt with hurts, unfairness, obstacles and tribulations and still made it.

I need to know.

The problem is we live in a world where we cover our scars. We don’t want people to see our weaknesses or look at the mistakes we’ve made. Instead, we paint a picture of perfection on our social media sites. We smile for the camera and we hide the very scars that could set another free.

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I think it’s time we showed our scars. It’s time we talk about them, not in fear of judgment, but in hope of helping another struggling soul. There is someone out there just like Thomas, someone who is waiting to see your scars so that theirs can heal.

Today, the wood I was staining is all done. My husband has hung it on the walls of my son’s bedroom and it is truly beautiful. Each piece placed next to the other forms such a pretty finish to the room.

That’s how we should be.  We should be a great finish for each other. We should be open, honest, raw and real. We should carry each other’s burdens and lift each other up.

I now look at scars differently. They are a badge of honor in my life because they prove that I am an overcomer. They are a list of trials that didn’t stop me, hurts I didn’t give into, and signs of hope that when the next battle occurs, I will make it through that too.

Today, I pray that you will look at your scars the way that I do. No longer will you look at them as a list of life’s struggles, instead they will be your testimony of hope that you gift to the world around you.

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Just like Thomas, we will touch each other’s scars and not only will we find answers there, we will find hope, help, support and love, and we will grow. The scars will no longer define us; instead they will set us free.

You are free today.  It’s time to uncover your scars so that others may be free as well.

Desperately Seeking…

18 Wednesday May 2016

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I need a word from God. I just do.

It’s not that I don’t trust Him in this storm, I really do, but today I feel weak, I feel needy, I feel lost. I want to know that He hears me and that He cares. I need to know that He still has a purpose for my life and that I matter because at this moment, in the rawness of this hurt, I don’t know if I matter. glass-97504_1280.jpg

On this day, as these thoughts were swirling around in my mind, I began to pray. I put my head on my desk, tears pouring from my eyes, I began to cry out to a God I wasn’t sure could hear me. (Photo Via Pixabay)

Maybe I had whined too much, maybe He was tired of my neediness. Maybe.

But still I cried out.

I asked God if I still mattered, and if He still had a reason for my life. Then I stopped asking, and I just cried.

I’ve been told over the years that people can’t believe that I have bad days. That I’m always smiling, that they wish they could have the joy that I have.

I’m so thankful for that joy. I really am, but there are still storms. There are still tears, and hurts, and hard times. There are still rainy days and clouds that don’t seem to go away.

On this day though, something so cool happened. You see as I was sitting at my desk, desperately seeking God for help. My husband sent me an email.

Yes, a simple email changed my day.

You see, my husband didn’t know about my tears that day. He didn’t know that at that very moment I was literally crying to God. prayer-888757_1280

Ryan started the email with- “I was praying for you today, and felt a nudge to send you this message…”  He went on to say that he felt that he was to tell me that God really loved me and had great plans for me.  My husband answered every question that he didn’t even know I was asking. (Photo Via Pixabay)

Now please understand something here. My husband was in another building, working, going about his daily tasks and had no idea what I was doing.

But God knew.

God knew, and He interrupted my husband’s day, to bring encouragement and hope into mine.

Many people walk this world without a certainty of God. They wonder if He is real, they question His existence.

But not me.

I have had too many moments where God has met me right where I am.

My prayer for you is that you will cry out to God and let Him show Himself to you too. My prayer is for you to have hope, love, and a knowledge of God that pulls you out of your hard times and reaches down to the depths of your soul and sets you free.

That email set me free that day.

Why?  Because I knew that it wasn’t from my husband. I knew that my God had taken the time to reach into my world and sent me an email. He loved me so much that He took the time to send a little hopeless girl some hope.

He wants to do the same for you. He wants to reach you right where you’re at.

No matter what is happening in your life, give God a chance to show up. Let Him wipe your tears and give you hope.woman-591576_1280

There is hope. With God there is always hope. (Photo Via Pixabay)

And today my friend, I pray that you will find it, just as I did.

 

Peace over Perfection

17 Sunday Apr 2016

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My husband and I have many gifts – one of which is the ability to have some pretty heated discussions. Put two stubborn people with big ideas and strong opinions in a room together and watch the show.

I remember one day in particular, we were in what seemed to be a constant battle over everything, and nothing. I’d say the sky was blue, he’d say it wasn’t. He’d say the grass is green, I’d adamantly disagree.  Raised voices, angry stares, we had it all.argument

Then we ran into people we knew- so we smiled, laughed, and carried on a pretty good conversation with them; a conversation that ended with them telling us how much they hoped to have a marriage just like ours someday. (Photo from Pixabay)

Be careful what you wish for…

I’ve had to swallow more pride and say I’m sorry more in the last 20+ years than I want to admit, and my husband has learned that women are pretty emotional creatures that need to talk- a lot.  He’s had to learn that honesty is a huge deal breaker and even the smallest of discrepancies can put me right over the edge. I’ve had to learn to not take everything so personally and to quit analyzing everything he says and does.

We’ve plastered on fake smiles and hid raw emotions so the world around us wouldn’t have to see the truth.  We’ve shared our facebook posts and pictures of our perfect family. We act the part of perfection while underneath we are really looking to strangle each other.

And then everything changed.

My husband and I were in one of our most heated arguments and hope seemed to be dwindling. Finally, he looked at me and said “Ya know Nick, we don’t have to be like anyone else around us, it doesn’t matter what has happened in our friend’s marriages, our families’ marriages, or the strangers down the street- This is our marriage and it can be whatever we choose.”

Hmmm…

Enter Miracle #1.  I was speechless.

I had never thought of it like that. I had spent so many years watching others fall apart and in my heart I guess I believed that at some point every relationship ended there as well.

I honestly never even considered that what happened in our marriage was our choice.

plantRyan went on to say that he felt that every great relationship goes through the fires of life. We could either fight to stay together, or fight until we go our separate ways but either way there will be some battles in our future. (Photo by Pixabay)

Enter Miracle #2– I agreed with him.

Now I’m not going to say that everything immediately became perfect.

toilet paper rollNope, he still leaves the toilet paper roll completely empty and places the extra roll across the bathroom just out of reach.  The toothpaste is still squeezed from the middle of the tube, and his socks still sit on the floor beside the bed. (Photo by Pixabay)

I still steal all the covers, become completely unglued when the bedroom ceiling leaks, and leave all my makeup and hair supplies on his side of the sink.

The difference is that now these things don’t cause strife in our relationship. We’ve decided to choose peace over perfection and that has been the best decision we’ve made.

We’ve quit comparing ourselves to others, the good and the bad and decided to just be us. Isn’t that what we were supposed to be anyway?

Our marriages are built or torn down brick by brick, nail by nail.

Proverbs 18:22 says that he who has found a wife has found a good thing.marriage

Marriage is a good thing.

It was meant to be good. It’s time we quit trying to change each other and start becoming the team we were always meant to be. (Photo by Pixabay)

The minute I began to look at my husband through new eyes things did change. I realized that although he is very different from me, he is on my side and those differences are a gift to me. He is strong in places that I am weak.

Enter Miracle #3– My marriage. It’s not at all what I expected and once I let God get a hold of it, it became better than I could have imagined.

Miracle #4 is all yours.

Let God take your marriage and give it new life. Let hope begin to sink into the very crevasses. No matter how good or bad your marriage is today- this is your year to make it amazing.  Instead of criticizing our husbands for what they are not, how about we pray for them to be the best they can be this year. How about we lift up our marriages to God and let Him do the work in both of us.

Today, let’s stop fighting with our husbands and let’s fight for them.  It may just make all the difference.