Tag Archives: life

I Fail As A Mom- Do You?

23 Monday Dec 2019

Posted by in Kids and Family

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Do you ever browse social media only to be met by a myriad of posts portraying perfectly baked cookies, clean houses, and smiling families only to look around at your own burned cookies, floors that needed mopped ages ago and kids wrestling in the living room because someone has the remote and someone else wants it and you question every bit of your worth?

Image by Markus Spiske from Pixabay

Listen, I want you to know right  now that sometimes my house only appears clean because I angled the camera just right.

And my cookies usually turn out pretty good but I admit that at some point I burn a pan every single time I bake. It’s almost laughable.

The truth is- when I get on social media I can always find a reason to beat myself up as a mom, friend, wife…

Just looking at all the posts of holiday decorations and cookie platters I start to feel a bit unworthy of the season. I had good intentions too but the Christmas tree skirt is missing this year and so is the angel for the top so my tree is slightly naked. I’ve decided to just concentrate on the middle and not look at the rest.

The truth is comparison always leads to dwindling self esteem and negative self worth.

Image by Sabrina Ripke from Pixabay

I’m not a good mom because I didn’t bake cookies with my kids and I didn’t build a snowman when we had the latest storm like all the other moms on social media did.

There are a lot of I didn’ts in my life…  

If I’m being totally honest sometimes I’m not a good mom at all. Some days I really do stink at this job.

The reality is we all do. We all wake up and fail miserably. We all forget to put food in our kindergartners lunch pail, we forget the costume for the Halloween parade, we forget… but we don’t give up. That’s what makes us great. It’s not that we keep up with the neighbors or that we get on social media and remind ourselves of all that we “should” be doing to be awesome.

Instead it’s those little sleeping faces that we kiss on the cheek after a hard day and the smiles they give us when they wake up in the morning. It’s the giggling about the dinner that didn’t turn out and the pizza that was ordered instead.

It’s the mess that makes the memories.

Image by Aline Ponce from Pixabay

This weekend my son was in the hospital. Apparently he, like his brothers before him, can’t stand the sight of blood. We learned this the hard way when he cut his finger at school and then took a header onto the hard floor.

This lovely minute of time turned into an overnight hospital stay and a long road of recovery for this kid. Concussions are no joke.

He apologized over and over to me. He knew that I had other plans this weekend and a hospital stay was not one of them. But as we talked I told him this- I don’t remember much about the past few weekends and yes I would never choose for him to be hurt, but this weekend, as we lay in that dark hospital room will be one we talk about for years. We will harass him, we will pick on him, we will remember this.

And he will remember that I slept on a really horrible cold couch next to him all night. He will remember that his dad ran to the store for comfy clothes for him to wear, stayed late with us and returned early because he couldn’t stand to be away. We will remember that dad complained about what a rough night it was because the dog kept him up and how we must have had a much better night than him and how he may need us to rub his feet… (insert laughter and a HUGE NO here)

Image by silviarita from Pixabay

Being a good mom has nothing to do with cookies, crafts, vacations, or smiley family pictures. Being a good mom has everything to do with just being there. That’s it. There isn’t a formula, there isn’t a list that has to be completed. It’s just doing your best and loving them through it all.

Stop comparing yourself, stop failing because you don’t look like the perfect facebook family.

Instead, burn the cookies, mess up the crafts and learn to laugh. Be the mom that smiles not the mom that poses for perfect pictures.

Comparison is a thief of our joy.

God didn’t make a mistake, He knew what he was doing when he chose you to be their mom. So, love them well, pray for them always and enjoy life. Cookies will burn, kids will misbehave, and life will go on. 

Just choose to angle your camera to see the good in it all.

Our Journey Back to Health: Managing Stress

10 Sunday Mar 2019

Posted by in Personal Growth

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If you read my blog about my son leaving for boot camp then you know this mommas heart has held so many emotions this month that it is about to burst. Stress is a major enemy in any healthy lifestyle change and although I’m glad to say that we stuck with our healthy eating plan, I struggled big time.

Photo Via Pixabay

Food has always been a huge comfort for me, it’s my go to when I have something awesome to celebrate. It’s my companion when I’ve had a rough day and my constant friend when I’m alone.

Watching my son prepare for this new season of his life was amazing, he was ready for it, I was not. I wanted to use food in all the ways I always had. Celebrate this new season, comfort my aching heart, remove the pain of loneliness, ease the reality of letting go. Without my usual go to treats, I was at a bit of a loss. Breaking old habits is hard, creating new ones in the midst of raw emotions… even harder.

Photo Via Pixabay

I know this new season will be incredible. I’m always amazed at how God works it all out, but there is pain in the process and I was wanting some sugar to ease it all. To top it off my husband was away at a conference and had no choice but to eat out for most of a week and the way our schedule worked we ended up eating out for 3 days after he got home. It’s a wonder we didn’t gain all the weight back.

But we didn’t.

He ended up only gaining a pound and I didn’t get on the scale. Ignorance is not bliss but I have to be honest here. With all the emotions I was dealing with, I didn’t think I could handle the scale at this moment so I made the decision to take a breath and stay off of it. I decided that instead I would celebrate the fact that we had both stuck to our plan completely. Food cooked at restaurants may not have the same healthy standards that we have at home, so no matter how hard we try weeks like this will come and I knew that I needed to make a decision to be proud of our progress and move forward.  

So how did I deal with the stress? I’ve compiled 5 things that helped me through.

1. I took a lot of hot baths. 

Photo Via Pixabay

I spent hours in that tub and when I say hot bath I mean that if I step out of the bath and I can’t see a difference in the parts that were in the water and the parts that were not- we have a problem. (Yes, I do know that scalding hot baths may not be the health choice of the season, but I like it that way and it was better than eating a whole cheesecake which was plan B.)

I needed those baths. This was a time for me to turn all the lights off, light some candles, (I especially love those fake battery operated ones that look real) and turn on some great worship music. As I lay there, praying, worshiping, and sometimes crying, I found some peace. I laced my bath with Epson salts and essential oils, set a nice glass of wine on the side of the tub and soaked until I wrinkled. Those sweet peaceful aromas and that relaxing atmosphere did not take the stress away completely, but it did give me a much-needed reprieve. 

2. A great book is a perfect getaway.

Photo Via Pixabay

I love to read, but I don’t take the time for it anymore. So this month I did. I had a couple books that were recommended to me by a ladies book club at my church and I decided to dive in. These books were in the Christian self-help genre and what I found was exactly what I needed. I found encouragement, laughter, tears, and motivation. They were not diet books, they were books for life that held so many nuggets of truth that I had to make more mental notes that I can hold. Currently I’m re-reading one of those books. If I can fill my mind with the good things, then there won’t be room for the bad right? 

3. Prayer works.

Photo Via Pixabay

I know that I already mentioned prayer in the bath part of this blog, but this topic needs a section all its own. Prayer gives hope, help and a way to let go of stress. I have always been a praying woman. Lately though, I’ve been distracted in prayer and realized it was time to really refocus. I started writing in my prayer journal again, and I began to truly get alone with God. I need Him always but life gets in the way more than I want to admit. The bible says to give God our cares because he cares for us. How can I give anything to God if I’m not praying. Each time I’d pray- there would be peace. Like most of you, once I was done praying, the peace would fade. Life has a way of doing that to us, so I prayed often and held on tight.

4. Understanding that Good Stress is still stress.

My son leaving was what I would consider good stress. This was his dream, something he fought for, something he had overcome many obstacles to accomplish. I was and am very proud of him and extremely excited for him, but I quickly realized that no matter how “good” this was, I couldn’t control the anxiety it caused. What would my new life look like without him in the day to day?  What was my purpose now that most of my kids were raised and gone?  Who am I without them?  These are not bad questions, but they are stressful ones. I needed to get to a place where asking them didn’t cut like a knife and seem like an ending to a season I adored. Instead I needed to ask them honestly and prayerfully and find a way to see this new season as the beginning of an amazing new chapter.

Photo Via Pixabay

5. I need something to look forward too.

I need something to be excited about. It doesn’t have to be expensive or outlandish, it just has to be on the calendar. Something I can shoot for, mark off the days for. My husband and I have “date nights” a couple times a month where we literally just go out to dinner and then get groceries. I know your jealous, (LOL) but hear me out. Just knowing that I have a night away, a night where we will have a quiet dinner, a time to talk, and a reset on our weeks- this gets me through the tough days. In a few weeks we have a whole night away planned and I’m super excited about that as well. It’s amazing how 1 night away can reset a weary soul. What about you?  What works for you?  What doesn’t?  Throughout this journey I’m realizing more and more how unique we all are and how incredibly cool that is. My husband handles stress very differently than I do, instead of a hot bath he sinks deeply into his recliner and gets his mind on a computer game or watches a movie. If life gets overwhelming for him, that’s where you’ll find him. He has been there a lot lately. Letting go is hard. Adjusting to new seasons filled with uncertainty and change- even harder. So we learn to lean into God, we manage our emotions to the best of our ability and we keep moving forward. One step today equals two tomorrow and after a while we look back and we realize how far we’ve come.

Letting Go When You Want To Hold On.

03 Sunday Mar 2019

Posted by in Kids and Family

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I didn’t realize that letting go would hurt this much. Sure I knew that time would fly and that in the blink of an eye my sweet babies would be all grown up and moving on in this world. I knew that. I held on tight. I made a point to snuggle as much as I could, to read stories, and have family nights.  I made a point to enjoy every minute. I did all that and it still went by far too fast. I still want just one more day.

 I’ll always want one more.

Photo Via Pixabay

Many years ago on a family vacation to the beach, we passed a cute little street of shops that I really wanted to check out, but after a long day of sandcastles and waves my family was just too tired to join me, all except Zach. He and I headed out and shopped that day. We checked out the souvenir shops, we looked at t-shirts and stuffed animals, seashells, and salt water taffy, then we decided an ice cream break was in order.  We sat at a cute little outdoor table and enjoyed a sundae that was far too big for the little guy that he was and we talked. We talked and talked and talked. Zach and I are both gifted in that art. Now I don’t remember anything we talked about, but I do very clearly remember this- after all the days at the beach, the aquariums we visited, and the adventures we had- I asked the kids what they liked best.  “The ice cream” Zach replied.

Ice cream.

Hours from home, new experiences, and long fun days and it all came down to ice cream. I learned something that day that I will never forget. It isn’t the big things in life that really matter. Instead, it’s the tiniest of moments that come together to make life sweet. It’s laughing around the kitchen table, watching family movies, coloring outside the lines and giggling at inside jokes no one else would understand.

That little boy boarded a plane today. He is flying across the country to join our amazing military. He towers over me now, and I am more proud than I ever imagined possible.  The problem is I struggle not to see the little boy with ice cream all over his face.

Me letting go but wanting to hold on.
Photo credits to my husband on this one.

 I struggle letting go.

Gretchen Rubin says that “The days are long but the years are short.” Oh how right she is. My oldest son and his wife gave birth to their first little boy just a few short months ago. It’s funny how life comes full circle. I watched as one boarded a plane and the other held tight to a brand new life. What a reminder of the blessings each season has to offer.

I realized something else today too. I realized that this new season that is so uncomfortable in the process- will hold the same tremendous hope that the last one did. I know that in time I’ll want this new season to last forever too.  There is so much good mixed in with the tears.

I still have one more son at home with me and he is terrified. He too has realized something in all this.  He knows that he is the last of my babies and that his mom needs something to hold onto.   She needs someone to “mother”. He’s terrified that he will get ALL the mothering that I have to offer and to be honest he’s probably right. So please pray for him he’s going to need it.

If you are struggling with letting go today. I want you to know that you are not alone. We will get through this and we will look back and rejoice at all this new season has to offer, but in the process- if a few tears are necessary, that’s okay too.

Change is…Good?

26 Saturday Jan 2019

Posted by in Personal Growth

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I had goals, I had expectations for life, and I had a plan. A really good plan by the way, and as long as everything went as planned then life would be perfect. Right?

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Photo Via Pixabay

Oh how wrong I was.

Nobody told me that no matter how hard you try, how meticulous you are with the details, life can still snatch that perfectly laid plan and disrupt the whole thing.

Disruptions were not part of my plan.

When I graduated High School (just a few very short years ago…) I planned to go to college, after college I would get married, and after 2 years of marriage I would have a baby. Now, I wasn’t actually dating anyone at the time but that was not the point. This plan was good and if I followed it to the letter I would be a successful, happy adult.

Oh how good life is with a carefully laid plan. (Insert sigh of relief here)

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Photo Via Pixabay

Then partway through my freshman year of college I ran into a guy I knew from High School. This was not just any guy, this was “the guy”.  The guy who had been one of my best friends, the guy who I had dated a bit and had the most fun with, the guy who I really liked, and most importantly the guy who could mess up any carefully laid plan.

Dang, there he was, there I was, and there was that kiss in the kitchen that sealed the deal. I was toast.

BUT, don’t get me wrong. I still had a plan and this would fit so perfectly into it. In just a few short years I would graduate college and this guy would be the perfect husband to that perfect plan. I just love it when a plan comes together, don’t you?

If you are wondering where the punch line is- I won’t make you wait for long.

Every single plan I made changed, and I was not very happy about it. “The guy” was in the U.S.Navy and in case you aren’t aware, people in the service can be moved to locations far away from you, which by the way was not part of the plan.

Ok, so maybe I’d compromise a bit here. I mean who said you had to actually graduate college before you get married?  Lot’s of people get married and still graduate right?

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Look at those kids, bless their hearts.

So I tweaked my plan and dropped out of college right before my junior year. We moved 18 long hours from home (In my plan I had ALWAYS said I would NEVER move more than 2 hours from home). Please, if you learn nothing else from me, please never ever ever say those two words. Because the truth is- following those two words are these two: Challenge Accepted…. Lord help me, it’s true.

My husband knew of my goals and my determination was unmatched. Once settled, I began looking for colleges to transfer to. I found one close, but alas, it didn’t have the major that I loved and again my plans had to change.

Did I mention that I hate change.

I really hate change.

I really really hate changes that I am forced to make.

I really really really hate changes that are out of my control. (I think you get the point)

Okay, so let’s look on the bright side, at least I can finish college… at least there’s that.

Then, a few months before our second anniversary I found out that I was pregnant. We were so excited. Plans were back on track, college was going well and life was good.

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Photo Via Pixabay

Why is it that curve balls get thrown when they are least expected? Just when you think you have it all together, bam, curve ball. Ug.

(Insert curve ball here…)

Sadly, we lost that precious baby on our second anniversary. (another blog for another time perhaps) Being in the hospital on our anniversary was definitely, not part of the plan. My heart was broken. My life seemed like one disappointment after the other.

Not being the type to give up easily though, we began to try again. I was determined to be a mother.  Months passed. No baby. I began to get depressed. Friends were becoming parents and here I was wondering what was wrong with me?  Then, on the very month our first baby was due, I became pregnant with our oldest son.

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Photo Via Pixabay

A friend once told me that although she had also had a very painful miscarriage, she realized that if it hadn’t happened, she would not have her daughter. My story is the same. Had I not had that miscarriage I would not have my son and I cannot imagine my life without him in it. Don’t misunderstand me here, I would never want to lose a pregnancy, but I did realize that I could chose to focus on the blessing instead of the loss.

Life has certainly not gone as planned.

No matter how hard I tried or how stubborn I was, life just had a way of knocking me right off course.

Life is so hard.

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Photo Via Pixabay

As you have probably already guessed, I did not graduate college as planned either. It took me a lot longer than expected. I transferred universities a few times and got discouraged more than I want to admit. When I did finally graduate, I had a 3 year old son and was 8 months pregnant with his little brother. My husband often reminds me that for as long as I was in college I could be a doctor right now, and he could be retired. I often remind him that it is his fault we moved around so much. We are at a stalemate on this one.

The point is- I did end up graduating. My goals were not met the way I thought they should be. Not one thing I planned has turned out the way I expected or wanted it to, but to be honest, (I can’t believe I’m admitting this) I really think it has turned out better. My plans were good, but the challenges and changes that life has thrown at us, has made me appreciate the outcomes so much more than if I had just accomplished them in my own way.

Change makes us uncomfortable but it also makes us see and experience things that we wouldn’t otherwise. And although some change can be painful, I can see now how it has all made me who I am today.

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Photo Via Pixabay

Change is the salt in our lives, it spices things up and takes us places we never thought we’d go.

It makes us regroup, re-plan, and refocus.

I can’t believe I’m saying this either, and I may not admit it later, but I have grown to really welcome change. I still don’t like it most of the time, but the outcome is always better than my own plans ever could be.

Maybe God really does know what He’s doing, and maybe I really need to just trust Him more.

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Photo Via Pixabay

So, the question is, do I still make plans? The answer to this one is simple, I most certainly do. I dream big, plan big, and then I ride this old roller coaster of life. It twists and turns my plans right upside down.  Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose, and sometimes I just get sick to my stomach.  My plans may change, I may accomplish my goals far differently than expected- but oh I do accomplish them.  And along the way, I learn, I grow, and yes- I too change.

Change is good.

Life is good.

Hang on dear friends, change is coming. My prayer for you is that you can look back on your life the way that I do and be glad for every single unexpected turn.

Hope for the Hopeless

01 Friday Jan 2016

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Here I was watching the world continue on around me while mine seemed to be falling apart in every direction. I had found myself very seriously wondering if I was ever going to wake up from the nightmare I was in. I felt hurt, attacked, and watched almost like a spectator as my life literally changed in a moment and I was suddenly traversing waters I never intended to cross.

It was during this time that I began having anxiety attacks, attacks that rendered me useless and always seemed to choose the worst times to begin and would last for what seemed like hours. To say that an end was NOT in sight was an understatement. To make matters worse, I couldn’t find hope that anything good could come from my life.woman-1006102_1280

Finally, I made the choice to seek God in a way I never had before. It was Him or nothing, all or none. I was at a crossroads and the direction I chose would change my life.

I told God that I would not give up and I would not give in, I would love Him if nothing in my life got any better. I admit, I wasn’t sure I was telling the truth.

Trusting anyone, including a God that had allowed this heartache in my life seemed like an impossibility. I mean- if God is so big and strong and loves us so much, then why had He allowed these things?

I had been faithful, I prayed daily, I went to church. I did all the “right” things- yet my life had still ended up here.

Could I really still believe that God cared, that He still had good things planned for me?

sadThere is a scripture in the book of Romans (8:28 to be exact) that says “all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”

I asked myself often how anyone could take this mess of my life and make anything good come from it. I chose against all odds and circumstances to believe this scripture.

It was this small decision that would carry me through the months ahead.

I would like to say that things got dramatically better. I’m sorry to say that the “better” would not come for many years. It did eventually come, and that is what I want you to know.

No matter the length of the road we travel- there is an end to our struggle. You see, our God is awesome, He never left my side. My road was very long and extremely steep but at the end I was freed from the hurt and pain. I was released from the anxiety and struggle. God was with me through it all and although at times I wondered if giving up would have been easier- I watched as God showed up in my life more than I had ever experienced Him before. Galatians

He carried me through it all and yes, He still had a purpose for me.

I want you to know today that He still has a purpose for you too. No matter what your life is like right now, no matter how long your road or what you’ve done, God still loves you, He still waits for you. He longs to talk with you and show you the way out. He longs to take all the mess and make something good come of it.  It’s time to give it all to God, time to choose a new path, and time to see the good that God has planned for you.

I’ve been in the valley, and I’m here to tell you that as long as you don’t give up then your breakthrough is straight ahead. Dare to believe God even when it seems impossible. I’ve been where you are, I’m praying for you today, and I know that with God, nothing will be impossible.