There have been times when I’ve doubted my relationship. I’ve doubted my husband, doubted myself, and doubted our ability to pick up the pieces and figure things out. I’ve wondered if I made a mistake. Would I have been better off if…

If what?

If I’d married someone else? If I’d made different choices?

I read somewhere once that the reason the grass is greener on the other side of the fence is because of the large amounts of “fertilizer” that’s been applied. I’m going to jump right out onto that grass and say that we have enough crap of our own to fertilize all the yards we can handle. I don’t need someone else’s.

IF is a word that needs to be eliminated from our marriage vocabulary. It’s a very dangerous word that has absolutely no merit in our current lives and situations. The only way this word should be used is to ask the simple question- What if we try this to work it out. That’s it.  

The minute our eyes wander, the minute we think that our soul mate is the other guy (or girl)- the one created straight out of the perfect Hallmark movie and we must have not realized it so they got away and we’ve been left with the “other guy”- that scenario is the moment we lose in our relationship. (and by the way I am not in any way against Hallmark sappy, happy ending, frequently binged watched by this girl, love stories.) I just need to remind myself that there is reality and then there is… well perfectly scripted endings.

Reality is far from perfect.

My reality is a lot harder work than I originally thought it would be when I said “I do”. Back then I had no idea how many sleepless nights the kids would cause. I didn’t know that I would be tired, stressed, worried… I didn’t know that there would be times when money would be so tight that we would search the house for loose change just to buy a book from the kindergartners book order. I didn’t know these things would be my reality but there were also a lot of other things that I didn’t know.

I didn’t know that my husband would work so hard for us. I didn’t know that he would be the most solid man I’ve ever met. I didn’t know that we’d laugh so hard our stomachs would hurt, that we’d watch our kids grow up and skin their knees, and make us crazy. I didn’t know that we were dreamers and planners and would spend hours talking about the trips we wanted to take and the excitement over our future. I didn’t know that so many good things would be woven into those trials. I’m so glad for all that I didn’t know. I’m really thankful that I’ve gotten to grow and learn and change right alongside the man that I didn’t know would not give up on me. Not give up on us. I’m so glad for that stubborn guy. (most of the time)

What don’t you know? What lists can you make that can change your focus? What words do you need to eliminate from your vocabulary? Trust me in this- get rid of them. Focus on the great things, look at what you do have and quit worrying about how pretty the yard next door is.

Believe me it may take more fertilizer than you are prepared to deal with to make it look that good.